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Airplanes are machines used on Earth to make large numbers of people miserable in relatively small areas. To accomplish this purpose, the designers of airplanes (called aeroplanes in some parts of the world) have included such features as seats, meals, washrooms and movies. Seats ===== Airplane seats are cleverly built in such a way that they remain comfortable for approximately five minutes, while most flights last up to several hours. In addition, they include the ability to recline. This creates an extra level of discomfort for the passenger behind the reclined seat, the headrest of which is now ten inches from his face, and an extra level of frustration for the passenger in the reclined seat, since the seat remains uncomfortable regardless of its degree of inclination. Between each pair of seats is a single armrest, which is also effective in causing frustration if, as is often the case, each of the passengers sharing the armrest possesses two arms. The back of each seat contains a flip-down shelf, which serves the dual purpose of providing a surface on which to place the meal described later, and a mechanism of imprisoning the passenger in his seat after the meal is served, while the flight attendants are assaulting other passengers with meals. Meals ===== Airplane meals are composed of a material which is stunningly similar to food. They often include items which are similar to meat, items which are similar to vegetables and items which are similar to dessert. They are usually accompanied by items which are similar to knives, forks and spoons. Often served with airplane meals is a liquid which bears a startling dissimilarity to wine. Washrooms ========= The term "washroom" as applied to airplanes is a ridiculous overstatement. The term "water closet" may be closer to the point and "toilet locker" may hit the nail on the head. The washrooms are usually positioned in such a way that passengers who are imprisoned by their dinner trays will be able to see, if they turn their heads to such a degree that severe personal injury is likely, that the washrooms are currently free. Of course, by the time they are released from their imprisonment, the facilities will be in use, usually by someone with severe intestinal problems aggravated by eating the near-food. The corridor near the washrooms is designed in such a way that once more than five people are standing in line to get in, the person who is currently using the room (closet, locker) will be unable to get out until the captain requests that all passengers return their seats due to turbulence, and the fact that he needs to go to the loo himself. Movies ====== Sometime after the meal is served, usually when washroom line-ups are at their peak, a film will be shown. In-flight movies are generally not of the highest quality, especially when compared to, say, the movie shown near the beginning of the flight describing the emergency exits and life preservers. The movie will usually be selected from that group of films that people managed to avoid seeing when they were playing in the theatres. On those rare flights where the movie is actually one which many people would enjoy watching, few passengers will be in a position to see the screen. Tall passengers and passengers with tall hair (or hats) will block the view of those who would enjoy the movie. The obstructing passengers themselves will have no interest in the movie. Overall though, the most irritating thing about airplanes is that they inevitably transport you to a destination far from your home, forcing you to board another airplane to return.