Big Red Panel, The

The Highlight Of The Zzzzwuchh Sector

by Kristian Kirsfeldt (noonius@netexpress.ee)
written 17 May 1997

This article is classified "Fictional"


If you happen to travel some light years from the place where once existed
the planet Earth, you should encounter a very loosely inhabited sector.  The
name of the sector is long forgotten, mainly because of its loose
inhabitants, and the fact that the loose inhabitants haven't done very much
space travelling during the last few centuries and getting to know their
sector's name from other space-travellers.

If you then, by a curious mistake, happen to enter this sector, you will
soon find out why it is, amongst experienced hitch-hikers, named as "The
Big Red Panel" Sector or the, unpronounceable, "Zzzzwuchh" Sector.

As expected, not long after you have entered the area, you will encounter a
Big Red Panel.  Shining like a Christmas tree, big as a class-B3 red
supernova.  Yes, that's it; now you know what's responsible for the name!

This panel bares the words "Enough of blue".  Below the text is drawn the
huge red "Zzzzwuchh," the unpronounceable product.  The panel is so
enormous, that the native inhabitants of nearby planets think it's a big
star gone nova and write their astronomical charts based upon it.

Having seen this thing and thought to yourself, "Gee, what a big red thing
that Zzzzwuchh is," you will probably need to have a drink.  So, you land
on a nearby planet, go to a flat ill-decorated bar that bears the words
"Zzzzwuchh, the original unpronounceable product" on it's roof, and get
yourself a glass of beer.

Then, you'll probably kick off your "shitsmacker"-type marine sandals and
have a nice time.  Probably, in fact almost very likely, some native will
come and start to tell you the history of this Big Red Panel, yelling at
the same time to the bartender to bring some more beer.

So, as you listen, you will soon realise that the history of the Big Red
Panel is very colourful.  Some tell stories of many flying sea-gulls
crashing into a Big Red Firestorm, and most can even recount that a spice
freighter the size of a small rocky planet orbiting the star O'o'ou, was
seen to crash into it.  Neither the spice freighter, nor it's pilot, have
been seen since then.  The next thing you will probably hear is the old
song that was made to comfort the Old Red God.

It is then customary to buy some little bric-a-brac, shaped like a Small
Red Panel, with blurry letters "Enough of blue" printed on it, and leave
the bar.

Standing in front of the bar, taking a few deep breaths and looking up, you
will see the looming Red Nova among the stars.  As you gaze up you wonder,
why does this place remind you of all the other places you've ever been to?
Only sights, people and pubs change.  Most often the pubs, but in the
people there is still an eerie consistency.

See also:
  • Earth

  • Go to [Root page | Title list | Author list | Date list | Index]