Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA, Earth

A Brief Introduction For Visiting Hitchhikers

by Nicholas Gurley (neg@bigfoot.com)
written 31 Dec 1997

This article is classified "Real"


Before you learn the specifics, let's teach you some of the generalities.
Florida is a state for retirees, have no doubts about that.  If you do, you
won't realize why you suddenly have cravings for sun, fun, and hot dogs.

And the hot dogs aren't even all that good.

But, even though Florida is a tourist state, there are a large number of
people who came to live here just to spite their children.  If you can't
drive, I would strongly suggest bringing along a bunch of good books:
there is not that much to do here.

With that under the belt, we'll get more specific.


The City
--------
Fort Lauderdale is a nice city.  Actually, its a nice bunch of cities.
It is made up of Downtown Ft Lauderdale, Hollywood, Davie, Sunrise,
Pembroke Pines, Las Olas, and a few smaller ones that I've probably
forgotten.  The inhabitants of these cities all fight to shout out they are
separate cities, but truthfully, Ft. Lauderdale seems to take up any city
in Broward County.  If you don't believe me, ask anyone what city you are
in!  Their default setting is Ft. Lauderdale, which they will hastily
correct with the appropriate demographic.

When I say that Fort Lauderdale is a nice city, it is just that.  It is
nowhere near as bad as New York, but not as nice as Dallas (or as nice as
the stories of Dallas).  It is located just north of Miami, and some parts
of both cities are in dispute, I'm sure.

There is an interesting mix of people in Fort Lauderdale.  It is one of the
most Northern Southern cities.  By that, I mean that Yankees are in great
abundance (I personally don't care, I'm more Chinese-American than I am
Southern).  There are also the usual rabble-rousing red necks, the large
number of foreigners from England, France, and Germany, and huge groups of
Southern Americans.  The Cubans and Haitians seem to keep themselves
isolated in Miami.

In Ft. Lauderdale, the major highways include:  I-75 (which runs North, to
Naples, and South, to Miami), which is sometimes called the Sawgrass
Expressway, and is to the extreme west; I-595 (which runs East, to downtown
Ft. Lauderdale, and West, to I-75); I-95 (which runs North, to Boca Raton,
and South, to Miami), located to the almost extreme east of the city; and
US-1 (which runs North, all the way to Maine, and South, to Key West),
which IS the extreme east of the city.


Shopping Malls
--------------
Since Fort Lauderdale has a huge number of tourists, it follows that there
should be a large number of places for the tourists to spend their money.
That's true, there are tons of places to buy things!  The most popular ways
are the malls.

In Ft. Lauderdale, the biggest mall (and supposedly the world's largest
outlet mall) is the Sawgrass Mills Mall.  It is located on Flamingo Road,
between Oakland Park Blvd and Sunrise Blvd.  It is a huge mall, with every
major clothing store, many bookstores, some specialty stores, and a ton of
stores that just defy description. And if you're feeling hungry, there are
two (yes, two) food courts!  If you plan to shop at this mall, go ahead,
but know this:  the prices are often very high, and there are tons of
tourists inside at all times.

Another tourist mall is the Fashion Center Mall.  It is located on
University Drive, just north of Broward Blvd.  This mall has some great
brand-name stores, but you know what that means:  high prices.  It's a
nice, three-story mall, with a really nice third story food court, but it
really isn't frequented by the natives as much as the other malls.  Still,
if you need to find a Macy's, this is the place to do it.

A more 'native' mall, with better known stores, is the Broward Mall.  It is
located on University Drive, just south of Broward Blvd.  Yes, the Broward
Mall and the Fashion Mall are neighbors.  The Broward Mall has a standard
food court, and is chock full of standard stores.  Avoid this mall if you
don't want to feel like you're shopping back home; it's not really all that
interesting.

Off to the Southwest, there is the Pembroke Lakes Mall.  It is located at
the intersection of Flamingo Rd and Pines Blvd.  This mall is full of
beautiful women (and I do mean beautiful) and lots of brand name stores.
This mall is almost never discovered by tourists, so hang out here if you
want to go 'native'.  Like the Broward Mall, don't shop here if you don't
want to feel like you're back home. Warning:  this mall is full of
teenagers who think that it is hard "living in this Pembroke Pines Ghetto."
What they consider the Ghetto is quite possibly one of the nicest areas
to live in, even if it is a little boring.  So, don't get the wrong
impression about the mall's location.


Entertainment
-------------
For entertainment, people do a lot of things.  One of the most popular is,
of course, going to the movies.  The biggest movie theater is the Sawgrass
Cinemas, located at the Sawgrass Mill Mall (see above for location).  There
are other movie theaters, and whomever you are staying with will probably
give you directions to the nearest local one.

Some other entertainments include dining out at expensive restaurants.  As
Hitchhikers, we probably don't have the money for it, so I'll suggest this
one: Fuddrucker's!  It's a high-class burger joint, located on the
intersection for University Drive and Broward Blvd.  I'll also suggest a
fun one for those of us who don't wear high-heels:  Hooters!  There is one
located North of Oakland Park Blvd and Pine Island Road (or University
Drive.  In that area, I know...)

For the kids, or those of you who want to run around shooting other people,
there is LaserQuest, a high tech laser tag.  It is located in a small
plaza, which you find by taking the first left (if you are heading north,
first right, otherwise) north of Sunrise Blvd, while on University Drive.
Games cost $6 for non-members, but it is well worth it.

There are other great forms of entertainment, such as dancing clubs. The
most popular (or at least, most popular due to the local radio stations) is
Viper.  Just listen to any radio station for a few minutes to get
directions.

The final entertainment that will be listed here is the radio.  Everyone
here, from tourists to natives, get tons of fun from the radio.  The best
stations are listed here:  94.9 Zeta FM, the radio station for you rockers
out there; 96.5 Power96 FM, the booty-dancin' station for you dancers out
there; 97.3 Coast FM, the station that plays great eighties music from 8pm
- Midnight; 102.7 Oldies FM, for when you need to hear Golden Oldies; 103.5
Planet Radio FM, the newest and coolest music for today; and 105.9 Rock FM,
for when you need to hear old rock favorites.


Transportation
--------------
While hanging out in Ft. Lauderdale, you may find a need to drive around.
Do so, if you've rented a car.  Otherwise, you may have a problem.  In this
case, you can always call a taxi (listed in the Yellow Pages), or attempt
to board a bus.

The buses in Ft. Lauderdale, while not the worst things in the world, are
certainly not the best.  Bring a book to the bus stop; you'll get a chance
to read it.  The bus fares are reasonable, at $1, unless you are a student
or a senior, in which case it is $0.50.  A transfer from one bus to another
costs $0.15, so plan your trip accordingly.


Conclusion
----------
That wraps up this article on Fort Lauderdale.  Enjoy your stay!  Oh,
you'll notice that I've totally left out any mention of the beaches.
That's because I'm a native; I try to stay away from there.  All you will
find when you go is really hot sun, old people in bathing suits, and really
old people in bathing suits.

Oh, it also helps to be bilingual here.  While the Spanish speakers haven't
totally taken over yet, they have definitely infiltrated.  See the
cross-references in order to pick up a little Spanish.

So, good luck in your visit, and I personally hope you enjoy yourself.

See also:
  • Languages: Spanish, A Primer
  • New York City, New York, USA, Earth
  • Dallas, Texas, USA, Earth

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