This article is classified "Real"
It has been well known for some time that there are only two ways to
consistently win at the game of pool. You must either practice the game
during every working moment of your life, or cheat. This article concerns
itself with the methods of the latter, and with not being discovered.
Method 1: The Rules
====================
It may seem strange to mention rules in a guide to cheating, but one of the
easier ways to cheat is to conveniently forget the rules. This can range
from putting your opponent off by repeatedly asking about specific rules -
though this really classes as a Distraction - to continually making the
same foul play and claiming it to be legal under some other variant of the
rules.
The following are examples of the above:
1) "Oh sorry, I thought I was allowed to move the white. You can
under Stafford Pub & Club Rules."
2) "You mean I can't re-spot the black after your foul? Aren't
we playing Northern Pool Association League Rules?"
3) "No, you can't play down the table unless you've already
potted three balls without fouling, according to the Preston
League 1993 rules."
4) "Clockwise movement along the Circle Line is only permitted
after a move North along the Bakerloo Line. Sorry, that's
Mornington Crescent."
Method 2: Distraction
======================
By far the easiest method of cheating is to distract your opponent at the
critical moment when they are about to make that vital pot. In its
simplest form, this technique may involve a well timed sneeze, the timely
ringing of the Last Orders bell, or asking for the money that you lent you
opponent six months ago, even if you did no such thing. Some other
distraction methods will be listed later, as they also fall under the
category of 'Technology'.
Experts in this field have discovered that nothing puts a male player off
his shot more than a large chested young female leaning over the table.
Method 3: Interference
=======================
The more daring player can opt to seek an advantage by removing their balls
from the table when the opponent is not looking, or replacing the opponents
balls after they have been pocketed. This only works during the early
stages of a game, when there are plenty of balls on the table.
The pool cue is as important as the balls in this game, so rigging your
foe's cue so that the end falls off is considered a wise move.
Method 4: Technology
=====================
Recent advancements in technology have provided the pool cheat with a
number of useful devices. The use of low power laser pointers to briefly
project a red spot on the cue ball as a shot is taken is considered
acceptable, whereas the blinding of your opponent is not, unless a wager
for a substantial amount of money is involved [1]. Calls to mobile phones
at the appropriate moment can also prove invaluable.
Balls which have metallic cores will be affected by strong magnets which
can be secreted near the table. Electromagnets should be activated only
when required.
Portable laser targeting systems are too expensive and currently only
function in Science Fiction films, and thus will not be described here.
Conclusion
==========
Cheating at pool is easy. Cheating without being detected can be
difficult.
Of course, these methods may also be used to cheat at snooker.
[1] The author does not advocate or recommend the blinding of your
opponent, nor does he accept responsibility if anyone chooses to
perform this act.