This article is classified "Real"
At some point in most people's lives, there comes a time when you feel that
an exam you are about to sit is going to be an absolute disaster. If you
really have absolutely no hope in passing the exam then this article is for
you. Listed below are ways to fail an exam with hilarious [1]
consequences.
1) Running up to the examiner and eating the paper in front of
him/her.
2) Running up to the examiner and forcing him/her to eat the
paper in front of you.
3) In a biology paper at the question "List the chemical
processes involved in digestion", just regurgitate your
breakfast over the space provided.
4) Answer a physics paper in Latin and a Latin paper with
equations and mass/force ratios.
5) Start whispering loudly to the person sitting next to you. You
will both be thrown out. This can be good if it is someone
you do not like but bad if it is your best friend.
6) Punch the examiner in the face (instantaneous results).
7) Offer sacrifices to the examiner to appease the god of crap
grades.
8) Turn up five minutes late, run in and out with your exam paper
humming the "Liberty Bell March".
9) Sound the fire alarm just before you enter the room, wait
until everyone has left the section of building you are in and
enter the exam hall. Once in the hall sabotage the exam by
scribbling swear words in as many exam papers as possible
until you get caught.
10) Order a score of pizzas for the examiner with a compliment
card in your name. Be prepared to pay for them, or leave
before they arrive.
11) Kick the chair away from the person in front of you. If the
desks are close enough together then a chain reaction down
the line is possible.
12) Book a stripper for the examiner.
13) Book a goat-o-gram for the examiner.
14) Book a taxi for the examiner.
15) Set fire to your exam paper and subsequently the desk, hall,
building...
16) Walk in drunk (not to much fun due to the hangover).
17) Write a very interesting essay on why footballs are round
[2].
18) Take up all the spaces on the paper with a formal complaint
about a pet hate (school/work/Richard Branson etc.)
19) Walk up to the examiner and ask for a piece of paper. Repeat
this at five minute intervals until the examiner asks why you
need so much paper, at this point show the examiner the paper
chain you have made out of your exam entry.
20) Fake a heart attack in the exam.
21) Get thrown out by bringing in your holiday snaps and showing
them to the rest of the people in the exam one by one.
22) Fake an orgasm with the desk (highly amusing but highly
embarrassing later).
23) Turn up ten minutes before the exam has ended, sit down,
write a few lines and leave the exam five minutes early.
24) Pray to a model of Luke Skywalker at regular intervals.
25) Put a brick through the window of the exam hall with a note
tied to it explaining why windows break when you put bricks
through them. Be sure to enter the room five minutes later
and ask for your brick back.
26) In a timed computer studies assessment give up and start to
play tetris or solitaire instead.
27) Moan and groan loudly.
28) Throw paper darts at the examiner with messages written on
them such as, "What's the answer to question 3" or "Does your
wife know your secret?".
29) Start to practice yoga on your desk and ignore the examiner
when he/she start to shout at you.
30) Replace a large bottle of paracetamol's contents with mints
and take the bottle into the exam. If the examiner quizzes
you over the bottle say that the your doctor prescribes them
to stop you getting headaches. Halfway through the exam
stand up, scream "I can't take it anymore!", overdose on the
"paracetamol" and pretend to collapse. The examiner will no
doubt panic and the exam will be stopped. Your trick will be
discovered at the hospital but at least you will have fresh
breath when you get thrown out of intensive care.
31) Doodle pictures of the examiner under the question "Draw a
diagram of a single-celled lower life form".
32) Twwwaaaannngggg your ruler on your desk repeatedly.
33) Make rude words on your calculator (that's all I ever did in
my maths lessons) and show them to the examiner.
34) Complete the exam by writing your sentences backwards (this
takes a bit of practice).
35) Organise a devil worshipping session with a group of people
who have just as much chance of passing the exam as you do.
36) If the exam is a modern language exam then answer the exam in
English.
37) Take off your shoes and socks. If that does not clear the
room then start to examine your verucas/athlete's foot/corns.
Show them to the examiner if need be.
38) At various points in the exam stand up and change desks.
Repeat until the examiner throws you out.
39) Play a game of "bollocks" with yourself. For those not
familiar with the rules of "bollocks" it is a game usually
played with two people where each person takes it in turns to
say "bollocks" at a louder volume than the other person. The
winner is the one who lasts the longest without being caught.
40) French kiss the examiner (care!)
41) Start pretending to swat flies with your exam paper until
your eventually hit the examiner.
42) Take a helium filled balloon into the exam. Inhale the
contents and sing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" at
the examiner.
43) Take a pencil case shaped like a mobile phone into the exam
and "talk" to your parents at regular intervals.
44) Release a small mouse into the exam and watch the mass
hysteria happen when it runs through the female section of
the hall.
45) Drink a litre of coke before entering the exam and attempt to
burp "The Sound of Music".
46) Use your tie as a sling-shot and fire blunt instruments
(calculator, pens, rulers etc.) at the examiner.
47) Ask to go to the toilet. Return and complain that there is
no toilet paper. Pause, pick up your exam paper and stroll
out.
48) Make a mural on the floor by flicking ink at it during the
exam. "Miss" occasionally and hit the person sitting in
front of you.
49) Walk in wearing a fairy costume and grant the examiner any
wish he/she wants.
50) Write another list of "50 Ways To Fail An Exam"
[1] Not always the case.
[2] Unless you are American, in which case, write about why they are
egg-shaped.