This article is classified "Real"
The Hostess Twinkie(R), a pickle-sized lump of yellow cake containing a few
spoonfuls of white "cream filling," has long been a staple of the American
diet and is, perhaps, the queen of junk foods. Combining high sugar
content, long shelf life, and a generous allotment of fats, the Twinkie is
the perfect item for the convenience store and the gas station. It is
reasonable to expect that as Americans move outward into the solar system,
the Twinkie will go with them.
In discussing the Personnel Launch System spacecraft, Edmund Hack
(hack@lock.span.NASA.gov) wrote [1]:
A small cargo area for personal gear is included (you know, CDs,
Twinkies, videotapes, pictures from home....).
This led to speculation here at Fermilab on whether, indeed, Twinkies would
survive high-acceleration conditions. If not, space-station astronauts and
cosmonauts will have to get along without Twinkies, or manufacture them in
orbit. Would the sponge-cake structure collapse? Would the added weight
squeeze the lard-and-sugar filling out, smearing it over the family
portraits and compact disks?
Our group decided to investigate. Fortunately, our crew chief had just
returned from the White Hen with a number of standard Twinkies. A typical
Twinkie was selected, placed into a plastic bag, and attached to a 2-meter
rope. Our centrifuge operator first practiced by whipping an inert object
(a roll of masking tape) around his head on a rope. Once he could sustain
constant angular acceleration of the desired magnitude, we began the Twinkie
run.
Revolution rate was measured by counting 20 revolutions (after allowing for
an initial "wind-up" acceleration period) and timing with a digital
stopwatch. Elapsed time was 16.9 seconds, giving a rotation rate of 1.18
revolutions/second.
If I didn't mess up my algebra, this gives an average acceleration of 11.3
gravities... a bit high for a manned launch, but certainly the right order
of magnitude.
The Twinkie was removed from its bag and compared to a control Twinkie which
was exposed to a 1-gravity field for the duration of the experiment. The
accelerated Twinkie had oozed a small amount (perhaps 1 cm^3) of filling
through a small crack in its skin, but appeared otherwise healthy and
edible. Its shape and size seemed unchanged.
Our tentative conclusion is that a Twinkie can survive accelerations typical
of orbital launches with only minor damage, certainly in edible condition.
It seems likely that careful packaging could ameliorate the stresses of
space flight. These results are encouraging, and the Site Operations
Department is now preparing proposals to test potato chips, microwave
popcorn, Dove Bars, and other junk foods to determine their suitability for
use in orbit. Funding agencies should expect to hear from us shortly.
[1] Space Digest, volume 12, number 59.