Chaos Theory, Origins Of

Secret Origins Of The Chaos Theory

by Adam Thompson  (neith@phnx.uswest.net)
written 04 Aug 1997

This article is classified "Fictional"


The average person believes that chaos theory proves that the universe is
inherently confounding, and that they should blame mindless butterflies for
their ruined roofing.  For once, "they" are completely accurate.  To truly
understand chaos, one must first be familiar with the discovery of the
theory.

A young and bored research student in New York (Rudiger P. Jones) decided
that studying weather in a place that was perennially unpleasant was not the
way to become a happy person.  It was at this moment that he named the first
concept of chaos, "Strange Attractors".  It appeared that after 3 years of
miserable snow and humidity, the Caribbean Islands were highly "attractive".

Taking all his research grants, and none of his research equipment, he left
for the islands.  Upon arriving Rudiger attended Yolanda White's Famous Toga
Party.  Within the course of the night he had (unsurprisingly) spent all of
the money.

Rudiger realized that he was in need of a brilliant theory (read:  excuse).
Yolanda, recognizing true genius in action, provided Rudiger with falsified
documents that told of a horrible storm suddenly appearing that destroyed
Rudigers "lab".  Meanwhile he wrote a thesis on how a butterfly flapping its
wings in New York can cause "unexpected lab-eating storms".  

Needless to say, the company that issued the grant immediately called for
Mr. Jones arrest.  Surprisingly, however, the scientific community rallied
behind Rudiger.

It was heralded the re-unification of the sciences.  Breydan Asdef of the
Greenibreian Institute of Advanced Astrophysics says, "Finally, something we
can all blame our failures on!  What's more, Chaos Theory thrives on that
failure.  I never complain that the Biology department gets all the grants
any more.  I just say that a butterfly ruined my experiment, and they give
me more money!  It explains more than the X-files!"

Rudiger was never convicted, and today continues his study of the effect of
the Margarita on the Toga Party.

See also:
  • Chaos Theory, Definition Of
  • Weather, Influencing The
  • X-Files, 20 Things You Need To Know About The

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