Einstein, Albert, The Non-Existence Of

It Was All A Lie

by Aaron Rice (a.rice@ukonline.co.uk)
written 09 Feb 1997

This article is classified "Fictional"


At the height of scientific confusion, Albert Einstein was created to
explain all the mysteries of man.  Unfortunately his creator, Sir Godfrey
Joseph, killed him off before he managed to answer everything, and despite
his "resurrection" two years later, people were rather less inclined to
believe in a walking-talking fictional corpse.  His "return from the dead"
was only covered by a couple of small local newspapers, and then only
because there were no tree-bound cats that week.

Many of "Einstein"'s theories were the product of Sir Godfrey's notorious
illegal late-night drinking sessions with his chums at the local pub, and
what can only be described as a deranged imagination.  Unfortunately, he
was so good at his work that everyone totally believed everything he wrote,
and still do to this day.

In addition to this, other papers have shown that more great philosophers,
inventors, and people generally regarded to have made a massive
contribution to society, were also created from the deranged imaginations
of various little-known members of the nobility of past centuries.

Why, you may ask, did they do this?  Well, speculation veers towards
the theory that they were bored and had nothing else to do.  However, a few
of them, most notably Lord Walter Smithers, were also very interested in
grabbing poor people off the streets, and burying them under a mound of
concrete [1].  He still had time, however, to create the great Leonardo
DaVinci.

It was unfortunate that Sir Godfrey died two days before his creation was
presented with an achievement award.  He has, to this day, remained
uncredited for his work.

[1] In this, he was the first of many.

See also:
  • Alternate Universes
  • Light, Space, Time, And Imagination

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