This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Chocolate milk is a great multi-purpose drink, with many forms and uses.
There are mainly two kinds of chocolate milk:
1) chocolate syrup [1], mixed on the spot with milk, and
2) chocolate and milk premixed.
The first kind is most useful to hitchhikers. Chocolate syrup has a long
shelf life, is cheap, and can easily be carried, waiting for the moment the
hitchhiker has access to a cow. Also, the syrup can be drank by itself for
a quick burst of energy. This is not advised, however, because in tests it
was shown to cause a subject's eyes to explode.
The standard ratio of syrup to milk is 1 1/2 tablespoons to 8 ounces. It
does not taste as good as the second kind, but when one is hitchhiking that
is usually the least of one's concerns.
The second kind requires no work and tastes better, but it must be
refrigerated, and costs more.
Chocolate milk, in general, has many uses. It can be heated to keep you
warm, or cooled to cool you down. The syrup can be put on foods such as
waffles, ice cream, etc. It can also be used as a universal lubricant. It
costs little and tastes good. On the hitchhiker's scale of 1-21, 21 being
the highest, I give it a 17.
[1] Syrup is used here in the extremely broad sense, and includes powder
and that kind of stuff. Later on in the article it is used in the
narrower sense, including only chocolate syrup.