This article is classified "Real"
Haggling is, in many of what are regarded as "less economically developed"
[1] civilizations, an acceptable means of agreeing payment for goods. It is
not deemed to be good manners to, in the so-called civilized world, meet a
request for payment with an attempt to haggle [2].
A "normal" conversation in a modern capitalist society might be:
Cashier: "That'll be twenty-nine pounds and ninety-nine pence
please."
(Customer hands Cashier thirty pounds in cash.)
Cashier: "Thank you. That's one penny change."
(Cashier hands customer one penny and the receipt.)
Customer: "Thank you."
Though perhaps a little polite, this is a reasonable example of what might
happen. There are, of course, various alternatives, such as the "credit
card variant", the name of which will prove example enough.
If you decide to mix cultures together, you could end up with something
like this:
Cashier: "That'll be twenty-nine pounds and ninety-nine pence
please."
Customer: "Fifteen."
Cashier: "I beg your pardon?"
Customer: "Okay, twenty."
Cashier: "You must be joking."
Customer: "Look, twenty-two, and it's my last offer."
Cashier: "I'm going to get the manager/police/doctor."
With this too, there are variants. The "pay up or I'll use your internal
organs to redecorate the walls" variation, or the "humour the poor fool"
method. The latter of these is less likely in most larger shops, as the
cashiers are not trained for such intellectually challenging situations.
If you are in a situation where haggling is legitimate, and you are able
to partake in it, here are a few tips you might bare in mind.
1) Pick a low price to start at, and look totally serious about
it. It matters not if your opening bid is way too low; it
proves you are a shrewd bargainer. Always open at a lower
bid that the amount you intend to pay.
2) Try to move up in fairly small steps. If your opponent
matches you in this, it may be necessary to enlarge the steps,
just to prevent the whole process from failing totally. If
these enlarged steps do not provoke an immediate compromise,
return to the smaller steps.
3) Above all, be persistent and never give up. Added to this,
you must never look like you're going to give up; an
experienced salesman will recognise the signs of a weak
customer. Never lose your nerve [3].
4) Never show that you have money. If a salesman can see that
you can afford a certain figure, he or she will push at that
figure as hard as possible.
5) If possible, try to drop into the conversation that you have
already seen the item on sale elsewhere, and that it was much
cheaper there. Do not, under any circumstances, do this if
you think the item in question is unique.
6) On no account allow anyone else to join in the bidding, unless
they are working for yourself; an experienced and crafty
salesman may use a plant to draw the bidding upwards.
7) Never pay more for an item that you intend to; if the bidding
reaches a certain point, simply state that you are no longer
interested and begin to walk away. If your opponent is really
desperate to sell, they will approach you with another offer.
[1] Though this is not always the case.
[2] There are exceptions, such as when you buy some second-hand goods,
such as cars. In these situations, be very very careful, as you
almost certainly have less practice in payment negotiation.
[3] To practice, approach every situation with monumental arrogance.
You might want to enter conversations with outrageous and completely
inaccurate statements, and totally refuse to admit your mistake. Just
keep plugging away with more and more ridiculous arguments [4].
[4] When you are finished, you may even be ready to become a
politician.