This article is classified "Real"
It's hot, it's humid, and there are no trees for miles. Lucky for you
you're carrying the handiest, most practical hat a hitchhiker can have:
the Sombrero.
If you're looking for shade, you don't have to look very far wearing a
sombrero. The shade stays with you. In fact, "sombrero" derives from the
Spanish word "sombre", meaning shade. The word "sombrero" also directly
translates to "hat", so it could be considered "the shady hat". The word
has since become so popular in the United States and Great Britain that it
is now also an official English word along with a Spanish one.
History Of The Sombrero
-----------------------
The first people to wear this useful device were apparently Mestizo workers
in Mexico and the southern United States. Where they got the idea from
remains a mystery, but it's highly possible they thought up the idea
themselves.
Scenario: Paco is in the hot Texas sun, hoeing some beets for his
employer. Suddenly, it gets really hot. "Gee, man. Eet sure eez hot!"
So he decides to build a crude straw hat big enough to keep the sun out of
his face and eyes.
Today, sombreros are used as visuals for laziness, and as gag gifts at
parties and celebrations. They are rarely taken seriously, and no longer
carry the message of the true hard-working Mestizos. It's a shame, but all
traditions follow this path to doom.
Types Of Sombreros
------------------
The more familiar of the two sombrero forms is the "El Straw Cheapo".
This hat can be purchased from such fine vintages as festivals and
amusement parks. They try to bring out the true spirit of the sombrero:
craftsmanship and hard work. They fail, though, because it just turns out
that children (and college frat boys) will wear them to look goofy and mock
other people.
The less familiar (but higher quality) sombrero is the "El Felt Richo".
It's basically the same as the straw hat, but is made from felt and often
has intricate designs sewn on to the top portion. It costs much more than
the straw sombrero because of material prices, but is also much more showy.
It blends in to any surrounding, and often impresses the opposite sex.
Both these hats can contain hanging stringed wooden knobs called "beads".
These beads are used in the Mexican Hat Dance (see below) or in high
movement activities (such as moshing [1]) to give the hat "life". It is
rare to find a hat like this in the United States, but it's more available
in the United Kingdom and Mexico.
Proper Attire
-------------
Those over-the-shoulder throws? They are called "serapes". That is
pronounced Sir-OP-Eez. I call them "rugs". This is because it looks like
a rug with a hole cut in the middle for the head to fit through. You throw
them over your shoulder, and this is considered proper sombrero attire.
Often times, you'll see gauchos (Spanish cowboys) wearing such an item.
Practical uses for them include hiding guns and ammo underneath. I suppose
you could hide dead cats under there, too.
Also, if you just wear a sombrero during leisure time, you need sandals. To
wear a sombrero without sandals is like eating a cheese pizza. You've got
the pizza/hat, but it's just so damn plain. Besides, sandals are the most
comfortable shoes you can buy. You can wiggle your toes, and you get a nice
breeze!
Media Appearances
-----------------
In the comic strip "Peanuts", we see Snoopy's brother Spike sitting under a
cactus writing a letter to his brother. He has the sombrero on, along with
a traditional Mexican moustache. Why does a dog have a mustache? And who
sold him the sombrero? Oh, what was I talking about?
Spike first appeared in the comic strip 1975-08-13, but was first mentioned
on 1975-08-04. He has seven siblings, and their names (in no order) are:
Belle, Marbles, "Ugly" Olaf, Snoopy, Molly, Rover, and Andy.
Another fine cartoon character is a rodent by the name of Speedy
Gonzales. He's quick, agile, and stylish in that little pint-sized hat
of his. El Felt Richo brand, no less. His cries of "Arriba" and "Hondole"
can strike terror in any cat, showing the true Mexican spirit of power. If
I ever meet a Hispanic Mouse, I'm not stopping to say hello.
Mexican Hat Dance
-----------------
In Mexico, a man uses his sombrero in the national dance called "Jarabe
Tapatio", or the Mexican hat dance. The man tosses the hat on the floor in
front of a woman, and, if she accepts him, she dances on its wide brim.
There seems to be another form of this, where the hat owner will simply
dance around his or her own hat.
Sombrero Influence
------------------
An acquantaince of mine, Jenny Kempen, was having a summer party, and I was
invited. Well, before long, the party got to be a bit of a bore. So with
her permission, I dressed up in her El Straw Cheapo, a pink moo-moo, a long
rubber snake, and The Wooden Horse of the Apocalypse. I went around
barefoot moaning "Dios es muertes. Viva el diablo!" I warn you all: it
was the sombrero! Only this powerful device could turn me from my faith.
By the way, I haven't been invited back since.
Sex Appeal Concerning Sombreros
-------------------------------
One time while at Great America (an amusement park in Illinois, USA, Earth)
I received an El Cheapo sombrero for playing ring toss. It started to rain,
so I sat down under an umbrella table. Two girls nearby started talking
about me and I had a gut feeling they were going to ask me for my phone
number. Then they got up for some pretzels, started laughing, and left.
Now I'll never know.
Later on that year, I brought my sombrero to school and actually wore it.
In Biology, a girl named Kelly Ploetz called out, "Ooh, sexy hat!" in a very
sarcastic tone. In afterthought, however, I believe she was talking about
someone else.
[1] Moshing is a dangerous type of "dance" where everyone gets in a big mud
pit and pushes the other people around. The biggest display of this
would have to be Woodstock '94, in Saugerties, New York. While
extremely fun, it was banned from several concert halls due to the
unfortunate death of a young girl at a Smashing Pumpkins concert.