This article is classified "Real"
This letter is PERSONAL TESTIMONY from someone who "GOT RICH QUICK!" and who
wants you to have the same opportunity:
You, yes, you, can be a millionaire if you want to be! "Why," you say, "you
don't even know me! I'm a wastrel, a gambler, a drunkard, and an all-round
loser! What makes you think that I could be a millionaire?"
Easy. Because I know a little secret, and I'm going to share it with you.
You see, inside of everyone, is a little miser. Some little, shriveled,
disgusting old man that says, "You don't need that stereo!" or "What, are
you nuts?! They're perfectly good childrens' servings for half the price!"
What I'm going to tell you is how to make that little miser pay off big
time.
****** THIS IS PERFECTLY LEGAL! *******
I have painstakingly researched everything in this post (well, okay, I
read a few cereal boxes and watched one episode of Sixty Minutes), and have
come to the conclusion that very little, if any, of it is illegal. If it
is, let me know and I'll most likely beg and plead and promise you all sorts
of money if only you won't break my kneecaps.
******* THIS IS NOT A PYRAMID SCHEME *********
In fact, I slept through that section of Ancient Egyptian History. But,
even if it were, I PROBABLY WOULDN'T TELL YOU ANYWAY! Why? Because if I
did, then nobody would participate, and half the fun of pyramid schemes is
getting in touch with new and interesting people, getting to know and love
them, then SOAKING them for all they're worth!
****** THIS REALLY WORKS *******
I am now completely and totally debt-free. No credit card bills (even
those guys at Sears won't give me a card), no student loans (ahhh, but with
my newfound wealth, I'll make those admissions officers pay) and I even
bought a NEW CAR! Yessir, I bought a 1995 Pinto, driven only once, and sold
shortly after at the previous owner's estate auction. Even better, I have a
wonderful job, McDonald's has never treated me better, and let me tell you,
I never wore that paper hat with more pride.
******* SO, HOW DOES IT WORK???? *******
But that's the simple part! This whole process works on the
self-flagellation technique of money saving. All you have to do is this:
Hate yourself. Spend your entire life doing nothing but working four or
five jobs. Buy things like beans, rice and coffee in bulk and eat nothing
but three servings of each every day (don't even bother cooking it, and see
how much you save on water bills!) Even better, those cloth sacks they come
in make FANTASTIC clothes for the cheap-o in all of us. Don't bathe, live
in darkness, and once you've read those discarded papers, burn them for
warmth! All the while, your earnings from those jobs will be piling up in
the bank, accumulating all sorts of interest while you make new friends of
all your new and interesting parasites!
I GUARANTEE THAT USING THIS METHOD WILL HELP YOU ACCUMULATE A MILLION
DOLLARS IN TEN OR TWELVE YEARS EASY!
You might even live long enough to enjoy it!!! [1]
[1] In case you're wondering, this is my response to all those who insist on
shoving their own get-rich-quick schemes in my mailbox and news reader.
All I ask of those of you who enjoyed this little thing is to send it on
every time a similar situation bugs you. Thanks!!