This article is classified "Real"
Traffic jams are the dilemma of the modern roads. While people pay out
for a bigger and better car, engines that can push their vehicle to twice
the legal speed limit, they know in their heart that the fastest they'll
ever go will be dictated by the actions of the local cone-laying department.
Traffic cones are a very useful way of diverting traffic, as it is very rare
to see any car driving through them. The reason for this is that experience
has told the car-driving population as-a-whole that it is a particularly
silly thing to do, in that (a) they would be driving into an area that has
been coned off, and there was presumably a reason for doing so, and (b) a
lot of the modern cones are reinforced by concrete [1].
The first assumption is not always the case. It is suspected that cones
have now formed part of an advanced plan to control the level and speed of
traffic, while ignoring the total annoyance they induce. Many motorists can
observe that a coned-off area is sometimes totally empty, with the surface
appearing perfectly adequate and usable [2].
It is occasionally the case that the segregated area is occupied by a large
van and several workmen, who are seated on deck chairs, drinking tea,
coffee, alcohol, or whatever they feel most appropriate for the moment.
Theoretically it is possible that you will see them working, but this is unlikely.
Certain observers have noted that after days and days, or perhaps weeks, the
cones will suddenly disappear, only to reappear at the other side of the
road, while the area they once protected appears exactly the same. If you
are able or inclined, you may want to observe the area over night, because
this is when these change-overs appear to happen, and you might get a
glimpse of somebody doing some work. Plans such as these are subject to
alteration, however, because the minute you spot one at work, the workmen
will disappear [3].
[1] Appearances can of course be deceptive, and one might assume that every
cone is as concrete (or otherwise) as the first one. This is not always
the case.
[2] Though appearances can be deceptive, the road in question is usually
just as good as it appears. It is, however, a bad idea to test this
theory in case it isn't.
[3] Presumably [4].
[4] Okay, maybe not, but wouldn't it be amazing if they did?