This article is classified "Real"
There are many times when the mere idea of certain conversations might fill
even the most sociable person with absolute dread. The idea that there are
always better and worse times for different topics of conversation is a well
founded one, and has for a long time formed the basis of understanding and
tact.
Unfortunately, there are many who are unable to ascertain the correct
times for particular areas of communication, for reasons of ignorance or
misunderstanding, and therefore it can become necessary for the recipient
of an opening comment to divert the flow of conversation elsewhere.
Many methods are available to achieve this, and one of the most effective
approaches is to pretend that you haven't heard the particular person in
question. This method can be worked around if your co-conversationalist is
persistent enough, or at least more persistent than yourself. Walking away
is one way to reinforce your attempt to feign temporary deafness, but if
they are especially determined, even this may prove fruitless.
It may be necessary to suggest that you are running short of time, by
hinting that you are waiting for something, or are feeling that you must be
somewhere else soon. This may have the effect of delaying the conversation
until such time as you are ready for it, or it may be that the conversation
is particularly suited to the rushed mood you have introduced.
Probably the best approach would be to actually explain that it's not a good
time, which would save you the effort of making any other excuses, and
perhaps allow you to get away. However, one very good counter-argument to
this is "it's never a good time," which is mostly a precursor to some form
of argument that most people presumably wish to avoid. A response stating
a time when the conversation can be carried out will sometimes alleviate the
situation.
A more elaborate evasive manoeuvre may be to pretend you are somebody else,
and therefore exempt from any conversations that "whoever-they-are" may wish
to initiate. This is probably the most difficult to carry out, because
somebody who knows you will, almost without exception, be aware of what you
look like. Much preparation should be made if you wish this approach to
succeed [1]. Likewise, a method where you pretend not to know them may
prove extremely difficult to work successfully.
If you are able to predict the topic of conversation, you may also be able
to answer questions before they are actually asked. There is a chance that
you may be successful in this, and therefore a proper conversation may be
avoided, or postponed. However, this procedure may also induce
uncontrollable rage in anybody who dislikes being interrupted, predicted, or
embarrassed. You are therefore recommended to only use this method in dire
emergencies.
Most of the time, however, it is usually simpler to allow the conversation
to begin, and when it becomes too much, allow it to drift away. To achieve
this, you may decide to gradually take longer and longer to reply, and
perhaps introduce a monotonous tone into your voice. On the whole, this may
appease anybody who believes that you are incapable or unwilling to proceed,
and will show a willingness to talk about something you do not wish to talk
about at the present time. However, using this suggestion may induce a
degree of suspicion into your companion, and you may have to be prepared for
them to suspect that your "batteries have gone flat."
Always, the last approach for some people can be the customary abuse or
offense that will bring any conversation to a complete and total halt. It
is also this approach that you may wish to engage in if you wish to start an
argument, war, or general conflict. Under no circumstances use this
approach on somebody who is bigger than you are.
[1] Ed: Coming to work in a different disguise could constitute a solution,
although it may be difficult to enter the building, and after a while
your new identity of "ever-changing person" might catch up with you.