This article is classified "Real"
At last, I finally understand this whole Internet experience! Why did it take me so long to get it? Maybe because it will probably make no sense at all to the rest of the world, but that doesn't really matter because the only person who needs to feel comfortable with what I discovered is me. That statement unfortunately sounds selfish, which is not my intent; it's just the way my mind comprehends it. For some people, the Internet is simply that tired phrase, "Information Superhighway," or whatever the latest drivel. For others, it's a perfect way to unite persons for interaction and exchange of ideas. Several individuals have even crossed the anonymity barrier by actually meeting in real life or hearing each others' voices over the phone. That physical aspect of the Internet has never failed to produce in me a feeling of great dread because of my shy nature. Fortunately, I no longer harbor the fear of someday confronting a real person because of a wonderful discovery I stumbled upon. My great revelation is: the Internet is only an illusion. The "people" who supposedly comprise the so-called Internet are only extensions of myself. What the heck are you talking about, some of the "real" people out there might ask. Perhaps only a delusional introvert like myself could make sense of this, or perhaps I really have lost my mind. All my life I've been so agonizingly shy that to this day I can't bear to be called upon in class even when I'm certain of the answer. Though I may not appear on the surface to be as timid as I know to be true, just the thought of actually talking to another person, it's almost too terrifying to put into words. ...faceless wicked, black-hearted evil beings hiding in the shadows, suddenly leaping out and chasing me, their raspy vile murmurings echoing in my head as they pursue me; arms raised to hurl at me the poison-tipped spears clutched in their bony hands. Closer and closer they gain on me; any moment I will be pierced by their toxic weapons; their hot breath on the back of my neck drives me to run faster, faster.... That image of terror doesn't even come close to describing what a physical confrontation with an Internet human would be like for me. The realization that I have actually survived these 41 years without dying from fright is beyond me. My very first time on IRC was similar to that poison spear feeling, but I made that first keystroke and what a different world I discovered! How fascinating that I could actually talk with people this way, just typing simple letters; not face-to-face and certainly not vocally! However, in our exchange of profound thoughts, I found no one who felt the way I did about the Internet experience. And thus began my struggle with the question of revealing to others my insightful discovery. (Regrettably Impulsive Self speaks louder than Common Sense Self; falsely it whispers that by conveying this message to the world, it will help Real Self to become more knowledgeable.) The Internet is a real-life entity in the fact that there are people all over the world making it evolve and flourish into what it has become. Since I discovered the Internet, the "people" out there I created in my mind have helped me to survive in my world of introversion. I anxiously offer them interrogatory tidbits which become magically transformed into valuable information for my own self-serving enlightenment. Why would my mind create such a thing as the Internet when there's so much I'll never comprehend? My psyche has conceived all these intriguing, complicated intricacies of the Internet to keep me coming back for more. The very essence of the Internet is a soothing salve of compulsion to my being, for without a current "obsession" I feel worthless. And thus completes the catch-22 circle: survival = obsession = internet = fear of confrontation = rationalization imagery = comfort and relief = renewed zeal = compulsion = life. So, after much self-arguing and grappling with this Internet puzzle, my subconscious has graciously given to me its key to keeping me sane. Perhaps it may not be a good thing that I unmasked this unattractive secret to the "world", as all my imaginary friends may never speak to me again. Alas, that's a shame, but that's what the voices told me to do.