This article is classified "Real"
It has been noted since the Earth time period known as the nineteen- nineties that should you briefly travel northwards from London you will eventually come across a Nineteen-Seventies revival. It was originally thought that this came about as the result of a mutual agreement between the Music World and Fashion World. The general intent of said agreement was to pretend that between ten and twenty years ago things weren't actually as crap as people seem to remember them to have been. This is, as it happens, a complete lie. What these two worlds have created has gone far beyond a joke (the unit measure of primitive Earth humour - do not attempt to comprehend). What they wrought could be more accurately described as a monster, and not a very nice monster at that. Almost half the Music World is still engulfed in 1970s nostalgia, which generally seems to manifest in the form of fluffy things, gold things, hairy things, and things which are coloured in ways that are strikingly reminiscent of a really bad acid trip. Michelle Gayle, N-Trance, and the Utah Saints are (amongst many, many others) profoundly guilty of keeping alive a period of music which can only be described as naff. Meanwhile, the Fashion World has "regressed" to a more progressive version of its original 1990s status, luring photographers to fashion shows by making sure that the models aren't actually wearing any clothing at all. Occasionally, here and there, people wearing 1970s clothes can still be spotted, although nowadays they are often splattered in blood - usually their own. Some Earth humans just don't like being asked, "got any tabs, man?" At least any more, you know. Meanwhile Earth residents who live near the central core of the Nineteen- Seventies are, fortunately, becoming an increasingly endangered breed. Aside from some of the more bizarre forms of death that they are prone to (such as choking on their pipes or being fatally incapacitated by ripping their too-tight trousers while trying to dance to "Night Fever" by the Bee Gees), the most common form of death in these ex-Revivalists occurs when said ex-Revivalist wakes up one morning with a drug-hangover that's so small that he or she actually remembers what a prat said ex-Revivalist made of him- or herself the night before. A phrase originally used to refer to the 1960s is now being used defensively, to deflect comment about the 1970s. It goes something like this: "I can't remember much about the seventies, 'cos if you can remember the seventies, then you weren't really there." What the people who say this actually mean is that they can remember the seventies, but they would rather slice their own heads off with a heavy-duty cheese grater than actually admit to people what they were doing back then and what they were wearing to do it in. Due to the dwindling numbers of this species, hikers are recommended to catch these 1970s creatures whilst they still exist. Extinction seems imminent (unless of course the influx of hikers caused by this article creates renewed interest - oh hell, what might I have done?!). Those of you with time travel facilities may want to travel back to the actual 1970s, but it is suspected that what you will find there bears no resemblance to what people today choose to remember about it. Alternatively you could just hang around and wait for the 1980s revivalists to become more common. Before long, it seems England and all of Earth will be experiencing revivals of decades that haven't actually happened yet. Conclusion: Mostly harmless (except of course for the dangerous flared pink trousers)