This article is classified "Fictional"
It has been noted, by some people in the medical and scientific community, especially the old ones with a lot of time on their hands, how greatly death affects a human's ability to flirt. A crack team of over seventy researchers (not more than seventy researchers, but researchers over seventy) set out to study the problem, and will hopefully come up with a solution. Debate on whether these researchers were inspired by the quest for knowledge, or the lack of social contact still rages at Cambridge, but has for the most part passed into the annals of history in most other institutions. The team worked feverishly for over a year, playing dominoes and gin till one of them died. Eventually a 20 year old intern keeled over onto the dominoes board, quivered once, and died. The cause of death was evaluated as "sheer boredom", but the researchers had their guinea pig... They chopped the intern into little bits, and stuck them into petri dishes with a special germ known as 'flirtatious carnivirus', which, when exposed to large amounts of flirt-radiation, tends to become outraged and lodges sexual harassment suits with the nearest lawyer. The test lawyer was a young graduate named Ernest Whittley, a spineless scum of a lawyer, destined for large settlements and a life of personally dispensed agony. The tests involved putting Ernest Whittley in a box covered with a solution reactive to "flirtatious carnivirus", code named "glass ceiling". The intern-bits dishes were placed on a table five feet from the box, and were let alone for an hour. Every minute the researchers would check how much "glass ceiling" had been activated, and thereby rated each intern-bit on its flirt count. The results were astonishly conclusive, showing that noses, toes, and hands were very flirty after death, and armpits, ear canals, and knees were utterly un-flirty. A team of chemical biologists, intent on getting some action after they passed on, invented a flirt drug, and tested it on the group. This resulted in an unnaturally large production of flirt-radiation, and so the research facility became the most popular building on the site. The researchers were about to file their findings with the international conference on sexuality, but were slapped with a 50 trillion dollar sexual harassment lawsuit by Ernest Whittley, whereupon they all keeled over dead, and their findings were lost forever. Some researchers that were too proud to join the project attempted to create the compound out of the researchers remains, but for some unexplainable reason every last one of them had been the victim of grave robbers, and their bodies have never been found.