This article is classified "Fictional"
Have you ever thought about who really rules the world? When you dejectedly turn away from the automatic cash dispenser, with no cash, but a rather ridiculed card that has been spat out followed by a cruel laugh, do you think that the bank manager has got to be a secret member of the junta that rules the world bank, which in turn rules several minor states, America, 3/4 of Africa and Mrs Major? Do you believe that MONEY rules the world? That we slave away to shift small wads of paper and metal around? They don't. The Real masters of the galaxy are shoes. Due to constantly being manipulated into caring for these small creatures interminably inserting our feet into their wombs, taking them to see places, exercising them, massaging them and caring for them. They love it. They can't get enough, and if long enough passes without our caressing them, they act. Why else do you think your shoelaces untie themselves? It's just to get attention. If they've been neglected their revenge can be horrible. Have you ever tripped over seemingly nothing while walking along a perfectly flat stretch of pavement? It's your shoes cries for attention. Or what about when you come home about two oclock in the morning? Don't you hate stumbling over that shoe that you're sure you put away before leaving? Shoes really make the world go round. They invented money, consumerism, and, yes, even humans just for their own sake, so that someone would buy them, use them, and thereby giving them their daily massage. Didn't you know that humans' feet are the best implement of massage ever employed? The Japanese sussed it out, but of course the shoes did that first. So the next time you walk in the shops seeing rows upon rows of shoes, know that the meaning of life, universe and everything is really shoe cream, shoelaces, and a loving brush with a 40 minute walk afterwards. For the shoes that is.