This article is classified "Fictional"
Hello, you have reached the newsgroup of Project Galactic Guide, providing
joy and happiness and sexual fulfillment to millions of sentient beings
around the Universe. All of our contributers are busy enjoying summer
holidays right now, so please hold until the Fall and your call will be
answered after the coconut oil has run out. In the meantime, we will play
you an insipid little tune designed by our top-notch advertising executives
to be absolutely inoffensive in any way to any group or powerful individual,
and yet to somehow get under the dermal covering of any being forced to
listen to it for more than three milliseconds. Thank you for calling
Project Galactic Guide, and please don't mind the wait.
Hmmmm-hmm hmmmm-hmm, de-diddle, de-diddle
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
So-hmmm dabba-da de-diddle woo-oo
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
Hmmmm-hmm hmmmm-hmm, de-diddle, ta-liddle
Be be be be be-doo
Thank you for continuing to hold. The contributors to Project Galactic
Guide have merely stepped out of the virtual office for a few moments to
enjoy the sun and sand and scantily clad members of the appropriate sex
that are so abundant in this neighbourhood. We quite understand your
desire to communicate with one of our froody contributors, or our even
more hoopy executives, but you must understand that they can't be bothered
to speak with you until all of the infinitely more entertaining activities
around here have been exhausted -- and when we say exhausted, we mean
exhausted, if you catch our drift, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Anyway, to
keep you entertained while you're waiting, and to fulfill the obligations
imposed on us by the Phone Company and the Insipid Music Lovers Conspiracy
to Dominate the Universe, here is some more inoffensive music.
Ho-wah be-diddle, hmm-hmm ta-liddle
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
Hm-bah pa-twiddle, hmm-hmm be-diddle
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
Ho-pah me-giddle, hmm-hmm be-diddle
Be be be be be-doo
Thank you for your continuing interest in Project Galactic Guide. As you
can probably tell, our contributors still aren't back from the fabulous
beach party they've been attending since Spring started here on Canis Major
Beta. In fact, we don't expect any of them back for quite some time, since
Canis Major Beta was specifically chosen with its multi-year Summers in
mind.
Still, here is some light music to keep you entertained until the Sangria
is gone.
La ba be-da, hmm hmm hmm ba dummmm
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
La ba be-la, la la la de-dummmm
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
Be-wah de-hummm, la la la le-lummmm
Be be be be be-doo
Are you still on the line? Gosh, I must say I admire your stamina. We'd
probably invite you to our party if you didn't have such bad taste in music.
I mean, really, you've listened to three verses of that song and still
haven't hung up. Anyway, the party's nearly over, and the contributers will
be dragging their hang-overs and social diseases back into the offices
within days. If you'll just bear with us a little while longer, one of our
clever contributers will appear and make your miserable life that much
brighter.
Me ma ba la ba la ba-doo
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
Me ma ba la ba ba pa-loo
Ba ba ba ba ba ba baba de-hmmmm
Sha sha sha sha sha sha sha-shoo
Be be be be be-doo
<Ring>....<Ring>....<Ring>....<Rin--CLICK>...<rustle>...<rustle>...<CRASH>
<Clatter>. <Clatter>. <Click>. <Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm>.