Duct Tape

The Holiest Substance In The Known Galaxy

by Brendan R. Dillon (pvt_wildman@hotmail.com)
written 16 Jun 1998

This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"


World War II was the bloodiest war in history.  Millions died, and many
thriving cities were reduced to ruins.  But by the time it ended in 1945,
the world had experienced several great things; for example, the death of
Adolf Hitler, the end of the Great Depression, and best of all, duct tape.

Duct tape is a wonderful gray adhesive which can be used for nearly any
purpose.  People have been known to use duct tape to repair computer
keyboards, create wallets, and even hang themselves onto walls.  Martin
Crane of Frasier, one of the most famous duct tape users in the world,
uses it on his armchair.  Red Green, a Canadian television icon, uses it for
everything.

Religions have even been spawned by duct tape.  In The True Religion
(classification code 80+D?M-0B1B), the highest rank on the Heirarchy of the
Gods is named after duct tape.

Some people, especially in Europe, use the term "gaffer's tape" in
reference to duct tape.  This use is incorrect.  Gaffer's tape is, in fact, a
completely different adhesive.  It is more clothlike, usually black (though
sometimes white), and its sticky stuff melts easily.  In general, gaffer's
tape is evil.

See also:
  • Classification Of Religions
  • Live Action Roleplaying
  • Broomball

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