This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
So... Ever thought about going to "Oland? No? Well, good. In case you haven't heard of this nutty little Swedish island, continue reading. If you live there (not a very great probability since the evolution goes so slowly there that they haven't even invented watches, and definitely not the Internet), then stop reading now, because your island is going to be dragged down the mud heavily. "Oland is a tiny island, about 150 km long, in the south of the Baltic Sea. It has about 20,000 inhabitants (cows not counted) and it mainly consists of bad-smelling farms and even more bad-smelling farmers. Agriculture is, besides tourism, the most common way to earn money, and in fact, "Oland must be the only place on earth that has more cows than people per square meter, and it is definitely the only place where the cows have a higher average IQ than the people owning them. As mentioned before, tourism is a very good source of income. Mainly, the tourists are German and/or very drunk and in both cases they are willing to buy anything that seems to be genuine handcraft (i.e. elk shit, Chinese crap and tee-shirts with prints as "I was drunk all holiday" or ""Oland is Sweden's Tenerifa"). They are also glad to buy liquor at very high prices, since they are sure that the more they have to pay, the drunker they will get by drinking it. (That is usually true, so that is why they always end up in hospital.) Another thing that the ordinary drunk/German tourist wants to do is to take a pee outdoors, which must, as far as I can see, be the only reason for anything to grow on "Oland. Still interested in going to "Oland? Well, then I must come to the conclusion that you are either drunk or German. If you are drunk it will probably not last so long, so you'll have a chance to think it over again before packing your suitcase. If you are German I feel sad for you because then you are in a chronic state of stupidness.