This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
The best thing to do with your carpet weave is to ignore it. Under no
circumstances should you ever, ever, ever try to get your carpet weave
to all go the same direction. On ninety-five percent of all carpets in
existence, this is impossible; the remaining five percent have an odd
attraction about them that makes someone invariably walk on them just
when you've finished. If you value your mental health at all, please,
just ignore the damned weave.
If you wish to contact me by e-mail, just send it to the address above, and
it will be forwarded to the Institute Where We Keep The Knee-Biters Who Are
Too Stupid To Ignore Their Carpet Weave, or TIWWKTKBWATSTITCW (pronounced
took-tik-bwats-ti-chew).