This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Throughout history few games have caused such furore as Mornington
Crescent. Not because it is in any way controversial. Not because its
rules are fiendishly complex. Not even because it is run by leagues or
organisations awarding trophies to the best players of each year. None of
these traits are the cause of such classic disputes as the Kerishni-Immanolo
debate of 1923 or the strange, but thoroughly true account of Jean-Jacques
Mariata's near fatal brush with Sir Arthur Kingstone-Blakely after the young
but promising Frenchman accused the English grandmaster of cheating by
playing his Tewkesbury Avenue out of turn, causing the aristocratic nobleman
to set loose his hounds on Mariata's prize Juniper collection.
No, it is perhaps the cunning simplicity of Mornington Crescent's rules that
have led to such confrontation, merely because as simple as they are they
leave much open to interpretation. Mornington Crescent is perhaps the game
that best fits the well-used advertising phrase `A game that is simple to
learn but takes years to master'. A better phrase might be `Simple to learn
but years to fully comprehend' as more games result in arguments over
interpretation than anything else. The main problem behind this is because
of Mornington Crescent's many variations. Some people play with Street
Rules, some with Mainline Stations only, others with the notorious Bank
Holiday and Early Closing variants. It is a rare and brave man indeed who
will attempt a game without the use of an impartial arbiter armed with a
rule book.
The rules are passed down from generation to generation, usually by elderly
professors at Oxbridge to an ever-welcoming student populace, although it is
not unheard of for academics of common or garden colleges and comprehensives
to partake of a quick round of `MC' during their dinner break. The most
popular use by far of the game is as a regular round in BBC Radio's highly
entertaining panel game I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, wherein such Mornington
Crescent aficionados as Willie Rushton and Tim Brooke-Taylor squabble over
rules, introduce ever new openings and endgame manoeuvres, all under the
watchful eye of the `Old Man Of Mornington Crescent' (as he is known in
certain circles), Humphrey Lyttelton.
So, to the rules. When explaining the game to outsiders it is not uncommon
for the newcomer to think you are merely jesting or `having them on'. What
is most important to stress is that it's not so much the substance of the
rules that count, more the elegance of the player, the flair of play. A
game of Mornington Crescent is all about style, first and foremost, not
technicalities.
The Basic Rules:
1. Each player takes it in turn to name a street in London.
2. The winner is the first person to say Mornington Crescent.
There are others but they are mainly composed of amendments and
clarifications.
Two popular variations include Mainline Stations (in which street names are
replaced with British Rail - or for modern players Network Southeast -
locales) and Underground Rules (stations of your local Metro service are
used instead). Whatever the variation, Mornington Crescent is always a
winning move.
So now. Armed with this knowledge may you sally forth (or fifth or sixth)
into a world where a Queens Passage is almost always followed by a Kings
Entry and an Amersham Reversal into the Old Kent Road is so often worth more
than just 2 in rent (10 with a house). Salut.