This article is classified "Real"
START DISCLAIMER:
The wife of the author of this entry suffers from a neurological condition
called ankylosing spondilitis. While not permanently confined to a
wheelchair, she occasionally has been forced to utilize one, so this author
does speak from experience. This entry is not intended to insult those who
are confined to wheelchairs. It is however intended to be read while
eating hot pizza and a cold beer.
END DISCLAIMER
Robert Garland has this to say about Wheelchairs:
"Mostly not unfun."
This has stumped scientists and philosophers for decades, basically due to
the double negative which completely confounds them. Is it fun to be in a
wheelchair or is it fun not to be in a wheelchair? That all depends upon
your point of view.
Obviously, throughout the known galaxy there are people who will tell you
that they are having loads of fun and you will observe that they are not in
a wheelchair. Furthermore, you will find yourself at other times speaking
with hoopy froods who are in a wheelchair, and they too will astound you
with enlightening and entertaining descriptions of just how much fun they
are indeed having, or have had at one time or another. And yes, at those
times they were having fun, they were in fact in a wheelchair.
Yet, still more beings in known reality, if spoken to, will bore you with
long, annoying accounts of how they really are not having any fun
whatsoever, and observation will prove that these particular unfun people
are certainly not residing in wheelchairs and may in fact not even have the
slightest idea what a wheelchair is. Finally, there are people who for one
reason or another find themselves in wheelchairs and are in fact not having
any fun.
What does it all mean?
The point is, it is not the wheelchair in and of itself which provides the
glee or lack thereof. It is what one does while inside said device, and the
attitude one has while residing in said device, which dictates whether or
not fun is in fact going to be had.
For example, if a person is reading this particular entry in Project
Galactic Guide, and they are in a wheelchair at the time, chances are they
are not having any fun. Not because the chair is uncomfortable, or because
they have useless lower limbs, but because this entry in Project Galactic
Guide is not a particularly interesting thing to read while sitting in a
wheelchair. It ranks just below the back of a cereal box, and just above
reading the actual owner's manual which comes with the wheelchair.
If one is going to be in a wheelchair, for one reason or another, the main
point of importance which should be placed upon that individual's life from
that point on is, in fact, whether or not that person is going to have any
kind of fun whatsoever while in it, and how to go about doing that. There
are some who find themselves in a wheelchair, and refuse to attempt to have
any fun. This may be for good reason. However, it is a known fact of the
universe that if the will of the universe dictates for one reason or another
that you are in fact forced to remain limited to the use of a wheelchair in
order to transport your body around, the will of the universe is basically
telling you to slow the hell down and smell the roses. Take a daisy, as it
were. God has in his, her or its infinite wisdom basically told you that
marathons really aren't your style, and it is vitally important for you to
spend more time experiencing life more fully utilizing your upper limbs,
cranium, and torso.
You can choose not to take God's advice, but it really makes little
difference because you are going to be unable to not take said advice.
You might as well go about having that fun while you concentrate on the
second most important point which should be placed upon the life of the
individual in a wheelchair, which is eventually finding a way to get out of
that wheelchair.
The second point should in no way ever interfere with the first point.
If, by occasionally taking the time to examine the second point, you realize
the first point really is a lot of fun, perhaps even more fun than before
it became important at all to have fun while in a wheelchair, the second
point becomes rather irrelevant. Full focus then applies to how to have
more, and exciting, fun while in the wheelchair.
The third most important point is irrelevant in regards to the first most
important point, as are all other most important points past number three.
However, the third most important point is sometimes referred to as
Attempting To Get Through Doorways.
So, to recap, the three most important points about being in a wheelchair
are:
1) Whether Or Not Fun Is Going To Be Had, And How To Go About
Doing That;
2) Eventually Finding A Way To Get Out Of That Wheelchair; and
3) Attempting To Get Through Doorways.