This article is classified "Real"
It has been found that many married people are defenceless against the magic formula "If you really loved me, you wouldn't...". Husbands and wives use this formula to put emotional pressure on their beloved ones when they run out of rational arguments, and in doing so, almost always have the last word. The natural result of this policy is, that the one who runs out of rational arguments first, wins the quarrel. Let us examine the nature of this formula. It looks like a logical implication, but it isn't one. Actually, any logician will tell you that "If you really loved me, you wouldn't drink so much" is a totally false argument, because there is no known necessary correlation between loving and not drinking. Indeed, as so many people claim to have met the love of their life in a bar, there is even reason to suspect that there is an opposite relation. But the partner who has spoken the magic formula chooses to be deaf for logic. The counter "That's not true, honey" only elicits an irrational "See ? You don't love me any more !", as if denying the existence of a logical relationship would also deny the premisses of the alleged relation. Experience has shown that in such cases even a one-hour lecture in formal logic has no appreciable effect. Thus the formula leaves the other partner three equally unpleasant choices: either you give up, take your partner in your arms and say "Oh, honey ..." in a begging intonation; or you try rational arguments, at which the partner, if female, will usually throw herself weeping upon the nearest large soft surface, or if male, will usually storm off to the pub; or you start a regular row, using irrational arguments to counter irrational arguments. The last possibility is usually preferred by elderly couples, maybe due to the availability of a large store of old irrelevant reproaches. Using the formula is unfair and leaves the other only undeserved defeat and deserved grudges. In fact, if people really love each other, they would not try to put unfair emotional pressure on their partners with the "If you really loved me" formula. That is the only correct riposte; but don't try it if you aren't prepared to risk divorce.