This article is classified "Real"
There are most interesting things one can do with another person. Some of
them are pleasant, some of them are *extremely* pleasant, some of them are
funny, and some of them are crazy. Some of them are stupid. But one, and
only one thing somebody can do with another person is all of the above,
pleasant, funny, crazy and stupid: To bring that individual to let you put
big spoonfuls of mayonnaise onto the head.
Again, there are several ways to achieve this, but most of them will
result in medium to severe damage of jaws or teeth and cause cramps in
the lower body parts due to the sudden impact of a fist in the stomach
region.
1. Plan carefully!
Find a person, who is crazy enough to accept a broken-minded offer
Ready a *big* spoon and about a pound of mayonnaise
Make sure there are enough people around who share the great experience
and success with you.
2. Carry-out
Tell your victim that you have the strong urge to put three big
spoonfuls of mayonnaise onto his head. Promise money or someting valuable
to your victim
If he doesn't agree:
Don't force it! It will go wrong! Trying to put mayo onto
someone's head by force might result in a chaos.
If he agrees:
Take the spoon, dip it into the mayo and splat it onto the bowed
and expecting head of your victim. Count aloud: ONE
Spread the mayonnaise calmly on the head, to make sure the whole
top is covered with a smooth layer of mayonnaise. You can
decorate it by adding some decent patterns to it. Use tools
like comb, fork etc. as appropriate.
Tap the spoon on the mayo to hear that sound which only a spoon
tapped on mayo spread on a head can produce. Enjoy it, it's a
rare sound!
Delight your audience by questioning the victim how it feels
to have that much protein and cholesterin on the head, or if he
would like to have some salad on it as well..
Repeat these last four steps. Again, as you put the second spoonful of
mayo on his head, count aloud: TWO
Now you put a security distance between your victim and yourself
Your victim will then ask you kindly to put the THIRD spoon of mayo onto
his head, which you refuse.
This is the moment when it becomes not only even more interesting, but
actually extremely exciting and thrilling!
Normally it takes about 10-15 seconds until the victim realizes that he
has been tricked. In that precise moment it is being decided whether
you will have stomach cramps and/or fractured jaw/teeth, or if you will
be The Hero of the Day.
This procedure was tested and approved in Kastl bei Amberg, Bavaria,
Germany, Earth, in the year 1987. The victim reacted by cursing at the
person who brought shame on him. He was also busy to keep his head
straight so that the mayo won't fall onto his clothes. So the initiant
of this scene turned out to be The Hero of the Day. There were no
dental losses.
Don't try this with known rowdies, rockers, punkers and people who tend
to carry around weapons (concealed or unconcealed), billiard cues,
baseball bats or other hitting-devices.
The Ministry Of Health warns: "Putting mayonnaise onto someone's
head might cause damage to your health!"