This article is classified "Real"
Of course you're all expecting to hear all kinds of gruesome stories about
torture in dental offices. No way! A visit to the dentist is fun! At
least, if you're not too much a whimp not to ask for local anaesthesia.
A lot of people aren't very lucky; their treatment is limited to a nasty
picking with a mini pick-axe, and if they're lucky an occasional fluoride
treatment. Although afterwards your mouth tastes like chemical waste and
feels like a cold fusion vat, it is all well worth while. Getting a
fluoride treatment means that the dentist puts two rubber molds filled with
fluoride gel, with a minty, strawberry, or another "exotic" flavour, over
your teeth. Then you are supposed to bite for some minutes while the goo
dribbles out of your mouth, oozes slowly over your chin, and drips into a
kidney shaped dish. Oooooooooooh, the mere thought sends shivers of
excitement down my spine! The uncomfortable bit is that you are not
allowed to rinse until well after the fluoride has settled on your gums,
mostly several *hours* later.
The hard-core dentist patients, who have purposefully neglected to take good
care of their teeth, or have the natural talent, can enjoy the more
sophisticated dental treatments (at a cost!). These always include some
kind of drilling, which can hurt. If local anaesthesia is possible, by all
means USE IT [1]! Not only is it very comfortable (it keeps the pain away;
nice except if you are into that kind of sex), also after treatment you can
enjoy the wonderful sensation of touching yourself as if you were someone
else. Only your fingers sense the touch; the touched area feels sparkly, at
the most. With this swolen mouth (it feels this way, but doesn't look like
it) you can easily talk incoherently, and you can disgust everyone by
drinking something (if allowed yet) with your all gallipolli lips, and
letting it spill and dribble all over you (see fluoride treatment).
Drilling is another wonderful thing. With drilling the dentist usually uses
two kind of drills, a slow one for the bulky work, and a fast one for the
finer work. The slow drill makes your mouth vibrate with a similar feeling
you get when you switch to a wrong gear, except that your gear doesn't break
and this can thus go on much longer (whoopeee!!!). The fast drill makes
that high-pitch noise that most people get the creeps of. It is one of
those sounds that sets an alarm bell off in your head, just like nails
scraping over a blackboard, a mosquito, and, well, the alarm on your
electric alarm clock do. It is the sound that makes beads of sweat appear
on the foreheads of people in the waiting room. For drilling to be easy and
all the bits and pieces that come off your teeth to be removed, water is
supplied through the drills. This is one of the nicer aspects of the drill.
The instrument creates a small shower of water and bits of tooth that rains
all over your face and the fresh set of clothes you have inappropriately
dressed yourself in today. It is especially nice on hot days, but the more
important thing is that now the most marvellous device ever invented has to
be used: the oral vacuum cleaner! Don't mix this with the other oral vacuum
cleaner, the flexible tube you clean the house with by sucking dust through
it with your mouth. This oral vacuum cleaner is a device as large as a pen
and it sucks all excess water and saliva from your mouth. The sucking
sensation is thrilling, and, oooh, the sound!
The rest is not particularly exciting: the actual filling of the holes, the
construction of crowns, bridges and other protheses, so I end the
description of the positive aspects here.
One of the few unpleasant aspects of going to the dentist's office, is that
it is a small enclave where "normal" democratic rights are legally violated.
After you've been put in the chair and your jaw has been locked by the
dentist's various shining tweezers, the dentist can and will accuse you of
all kinds of horrible and tooth-unfriendly activities. You cannot reply[2].
This, together with the dentist's law that everyone is guilty until proven
innocent, gives him a very warped view on human/dental society.
The day after your visit, you will be disturbed by the great lump of filling
that suddenly falls out of your mouth. Don't worry, it's just something you
missed the day before, when you gallipolli lips prevented a thorough
rinsing. (Now what's the Liff-word for this object?)
Conclusion. Don't be afraid of the dentist; it's more fun than you think.
You might even consider to take a family trip there instead of to Disney
land. The Dentist: a nice day out.
And now please a small moment of silence for all the things I have had to
endure at the dentist's to research this article.
Notes:
[1] Some people complain the anaesthetic is more painful than the whole
treatment. This is not so! Other people don't trust the dentist and
say they want to feel what is happening. If you feel that way, do
whatever you think is best for you, but don't whine about the pain!!!
[2] Dentists are incapable of asking questions that require a simple yes or
no answer.