This article is classified "Fictional"
The concept of an amount of items that are close to absolute zero, but a
bit more friendlier was contemplated by the people of Earth. They said,
"how can we indicate a amount like zero, but in a friendlier way."
Two professors came up with an idea. "What if we create an equation that
is as close to next to nothing as to be zero, give it a term, and then
that can be a an amount that's like zero, but more friendlier?" So they
came up with the equation:
1
D = ---
C
Where C is the amount of Cheese Dip consumed per capita, and D is the
Diddley-Squat, named after the two professors, John Diddley and Fred
Squat. The Institute for Extreme Cleverness gave them the greatly prized
Award For Use of a Non-Constant Number in a Seemingly Useless Equation.
Then they realized that the actual number of people eating Cheese Dip
wasn't as big of a number as they originally thought.
The Award for Use of a Non-Constant Number is a Seemingly Useless Equation
was revoked, not that that was such a bad thing. So Diddley and Squat were
never really famous yet, and their careers as scientists were as near as to
next to nothing as to almost be nonexistent.
Their trophy was used as a punch bowl for this really horrible party the
members of the Board of People Who Choose Who Gets the Award For Use of a
Non-Constant Number in a Seemingly Useless Equation, and the party was so
boring that one of the members spiked the punch... onto the head of the
Director for Awarding the Award For Use of a Non-Constant Number in a
Seemingly Useless Equation and he was not pleased at all, and threw out
the window the Award For Use of a Non-Constant Number in a Seemingly
Useless Equation, and it shattered into a billion trillion little glass
pieces. They said, "wow, that's Diddley-Squat." And there they were,
looking weepingly at the little glass pieces on the sidewalk outside. So
ended the careers of Diddley and Squat, and they gained a reputation of
having both the luck of and the careers which amounted to as close to
next to nothing as to be almost absolute zero, so that's what they are
remembered for.