This article is classified "Fictional"
It is common knowledge that within some quadrants of the galaxy, Insurance
Salesman are the most feared form of life ever to move between planets.
With such sentiments often running wild in the galaxy as a whole, it would
only seem logical that successful insurance companies are rare. Strangely
enough, the opposite is true.
Insurance is a highly successful business in which to become involved.
For example, I know one fellow by the name of Andrew the Drew from
Henderson, Kentucky (that's the planet of Henderson in the super cluster
Kentucky -- Must you darn Terrains think that everything is about
you?). Andrew the Drew was a Drew that invested his meager inheritance
from his grandparents, also Drews. He wisely chose to invest his money in
insurance rates. Andrew the Drew now owns the planet of Henderson.
To get back to the point though (yes, there is a point), insurance remains
a profitable business despite the absolute hatred of the industry. Some
have theorized that this is why the industry is successful. These same
people are in the habit of insulting their own customers whenever possible
and have yet to experience the same phenomenal success as the insurance
industry.
Some of the more historically prosperous insurance agencies have thrived by
way of name recognition. Insurance Company executives name their
corporations after the sounds made by people who experience accidents, so
that person will naturally think about said insurance company whenever that
person requires its services. This policy has brought about the names of
such well-known institutions as Mutual of Ohmygod and Blue Cross/Blue $#!?.
When a normal frood hears the term "insurance," one specific insurance
company should come to mind, assuming the presence of a mind. That one
firm is Scott's Insurance, the most successful insurance company in the
entire history of the galaxy. Salesbeings that are employed by Scott's
Insurance can be found in prisons spanning the cosmos.
The basic policy offered by Scott's Insurance, including the medical
requirement to be approved by a physician. This form has been copied into
the Guide below.
Scott's Insurance Policy
------------------------
(not available to any terminally ill-type folks)
According to this policy, anyone who signs themselves up to this policy
must pay a monthly sum and in return Scott's Insurance (all right reserved)
will insure your life. This means that if you die, Scott's Insurance (all
rights reserved) will pay you a lump sum.
You must be present and sign many pieces of paper to collect the money. If
you are not present to collect the money at a designated time and place,
then though luck! Under said circumstances, Scott's Insurance (all rights
reserved) will owe you ZIP.
If you haven't read this far, then you are a likely customer. Whatever dumb
lump of tar (all rights reserved) decides to buy this insurance policy for
themselves (probably you) must pay to us a monthly sum of whatever that
person has left over from paying us the previous month.
Dear Doctors, please fill out the following information.
Name of doctor (an alias will do if you're in trouble with the law)
______________________________
Who to contact in case this doctor requires bail money
______________________________
Name of victim/patient (all rights reserved)
______________________________
Age of person who wants policy from Scott's Insurance (all
rights reserved)__________________________
Occupation of person in question (preferably a sex-therapist,
never a copper)__________________________
Any illness this person had (like we care)
______________________________
Any birthmarks, deformities, or unusually large breasts
______________________________
We at Scott's Insurance (all rights reserved) would like to point out that
this is all legal because it was originally written on a legal pad. Also
Scott's Insurance (aw, you know) has included the following legal mumbo-
jumbo to keep the DA off out backs.
The first party must kick the second party in the et cetera unless a foul
is called, etc. Jive -- The flux capacitor when groovy can corrode any
butimus maximus so magatmus that ofsdufois osfdjsdofjsdoijfosd with a given
Fahrvergnugen. Thereby and therefore, iwxdm,vmoiwjfmsdmfwifmdmifd (all
Miranda rights requested) may bneitoiamepokc fjed fejkljksdl. Froody.
And may the force be with you.
By the way, no one who ever has, had, or ever will have a lawyer may sign
this policy or it will be void and numb.