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It is time that we face the facts. The Catholic Church has been in steady decline for 500 years. The invention of the printing press and the spread of literacy has been a disaster for the church. This has allowed parishioners access to ideas without the necessary clerical interpretation. Luckily, the computer revolution is reversing this literacy problem and making books obsolete. The recent discussion of the Disney Historical Theme Park has given us a great idea to revitalize the church and to provide you with the spiritual and financial opportunity of the millennium. We are proud to announce today Papacy Park, opening summer of 1995. This promises to be the most complete Catholic multimedia experience yet. No expense will be spared and there will be attractions for the whole family. The kids will love Grottos of Spain. A beautifully landscaped park with the latest Animatronic Apparition (TM) technology will allow your child to receive their own Personalized Prophecy. Take them to feed the lambs in the Pastoral Petting Zoo. Don't miss the Stations of the Cross miniature golf course. For the grandparents: health care crisis? Forget about it! Let them soothe away their ailments in the Bethesda Healing Pool and Spa. Extra charge for towels. The latest in 3D cinemax technology will blow Dad's mind. Our first feature: "The Ecstasy of St. Theresa" starring Natassia Kinski. Critics are calling this "Thrilling...," "Sensuous...," and "Two Crosiers up!" In production now is "Borgia Family Values" starring John Goodman as Pope Alexander VI, Sharon Stone as his daughter Lucrezia, and Don Johnson as his son Cesare. There's already a BIG buzz on this movie! Dad will also get a big kick out of Popemobiles: Concept Cars of the Future. For mom, I'm sure she'll love Papal Fashions of the Ages. The Bernini ensemble number is to burn in Hell for! For the clergy, we will have realistic reenactments of Lives of the Saints using the latest virtual reality technology. In our focus groups, the Passion of St. Sebastian was a big hit with young seminarians, if you know what I mean. The day ends with a smash extravaganza in the Papacy Parade. The parade starts with the finest penitents all the way from the Philippines in the Cavalcade of Crosses down the street of Olde Jerusalem. Authentic Replicas of Authentic Pieces of the True Cross will be available for sale as will be Imprinted Shrouds and Veils, suitable for adorational display. Our floats will contain fabulous tableaux of church history. Cheer Torquemada as he drives devils out of heretics! Hiss and boo at the man you love to hate as he nails his protests to the church door! The finale of the evening is, of course, the appearance of the big man himself, the REAL Chairman of the Board. He'll be singing his monster hit "I did it my way (and you will, too!)." There is still a great opportunity for investors. The people who got in early on the indulgences thing saw their earthly rewards multiply like loaves and fishes. This opportunity is available to you now! But don't wait! Remember, it is no sin to risk some exposure now for some really big after-tax capital gains in the hereafter. We are still in the process of finalizing our plans for our park. If you have any ideas for other attractions, please pass them along.