Devilled Ham

Recipe For Devilled Ham

by Nancy A. Howells (howells@athena.mit.edu)
written 04 Apr 1994

This article is classified "Fictional"


If I'm not mistaken, the process of devilling ham begins with the drawing
of a pentagram.  Several women who were known in their previous lives to
have ridden broomsticks in to work then begin incantations and dances
around the pentagram.  The ham sits inside the pentagram, where the Devil
is hopefully going to appear.

After chanting several prayers backwards, and beseeching Beelzebub to
appear, the women are joined by men who have pointed tails and horns.
They appear from someplace as yet unknown, bearing bottles of spices and
grinders.  These are placed inside the pentagram with the appropriate
reverence and with the chanting of "Satan!  Satan!"

If the chants are all done with total conviction, and all present truly
believe, the supplicated being, Satan, will appear in the pentagram, and,
in a flash of blinding light, grind the ham, mix in the spices, and leave
everything in a sealed can with a pop-up top.  He leaves a small portrait
of himself on the wrapper which is supposed to go around the can.

Voila!  Devilled ham.

Now, for devils food cake..... definitely a sacrifice of some kind is
necessary.

See also:
  • Field Researchers, How To Recognize

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