This article is classified "Fictional"
There have been some stories about a bug and a banana. For example, in
the article on Norway. This is the True Story, as it was told by the
Great Knower of Time, Space, and Everything Else, also known as Herbert.
The bug was originally a country called Norway on planet Earth. The Earth
here meant the one that used to be at 1.231+901.234i in the probability
dimension. But on this Earth, like on many others, Norway was considered
a threat to the environment, wars, and everything else that was fun. On
this Earth they had come to the knowledge of improbability machines, and
this led to the unexpected vanishing of this once-so-great country.
Later it proved to be a tree-loving environmentalist who decided to remove
Norway from the planet before they did any more damage. Of course, when a
large country like Norway was removed, the place where it had been had to
be filled with something. This something was the sea. The filling caused
large waves to appear that killed all living creatures on land. Later the
planet was blown up by accident by a passing battle starship that was out
on patrol, mistaking it for a camouflaged Xurbit Interspace Enemy Tracker
that had been observed in those areas.
Now, back to Norway. Norway, in a glimpse of space, time and probability
anomalies, turned somehow into a bug. There were some sightings of the
bug as it transformed through the probability. One person who observed
this, was the famous singer Mark Knopfler. It inspired him to write the
song "The Bug." This song is on the record "On Every Street" by Dire
Straits.
More precisely, the bug turned out to be a Zingy Beepbopper -- the
poisonous one. Now, as anyone can understand, a transformation from a
medium-sized country into a bug is quite some change, so naturally, the
newly appearing bug had some first thoughts about life. Here they are,
according to the book The Facial Expressions Of An Invertebrate, And How
To Tell What It Thinks by the famous author Sugornio Mellop, who was
generally looked upon as an idiot. Mostly because he was, but also
because he invented the theory of relativity. This suddenly made time
travel impossible, and the whole planet was set back several thousand
years. They are only now starting to recover from the incident and are
on the edge of discovering that the theory was wrong. According to his
book, the following conversation took place between the bug and itself:
"Oops. That was some trip. Hey! I can speak! Is it normal
for a country to speak? And hey, who turned out the lights,
and why did it get so crumpy around here so all of a sudden?
I think I'll just sit tight and wait."
We admit that this may not be exactly what the bug thought to itself,
due to the fact that Mellop's theories had a certain way of being highly
inaccurate, generally disputed, and mostly just hallucinations after
several Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blasters.
The reason for the sudden dark was the fact that a banana had just
appeared out of nowhere at the very spot where it sat. The banana was
therefore wrapped around the bug. Now, where did this banana come from?
It proved to be the planet that disappeared from star system ZF519 Gamma.
Now, for some amazing coincidence, a monkey appeared at this already
complicated scene. This monkey had been transferred to this location by
some kids playing with their dad's improbability machine Perullion XB-4.
This monkey was of course hungry, ate the banana, and died soon after
because it also ate the poisonous bug. In good tradition with the theory
of chaos, the Doomsday Prophets, and Murhpy's Laws, this seemingly
unimportant sequence of events actually lead to the destruction of two
perfectly average cultures on two whole planets.
Anyone who watches "Tomorrow's News" know that the dad of those children
who transferred the monkey was running for President, and was therefore,
in a good upholdment of tradition, assassinated. If the monkey hadn't
been transferred, it would have been sitting on his knee when the
assassin came around, and it would have been killed instead of him. He,
Kurdo Pingmon, was the only person who could have saved that planet from
the raging war, which, of course, now broke out.
There was this neighbouring planet just a few parsecs away that heard
about this war and, in the interests of good neighbourdom, sent a few
peace-keeping negotiators to try to make the parties stop fighting. The
only problem was that nobody knew who was fighting who, and in a polite
attempt to find a leader, they were unfortunate enough to pick a "leader"
who was so outraged by being chosen as the one to be blamed for the war
that he declared war against the neighbouring planet. After about a
thousand years or so, there were only ten persons left. These few
survivors shook hands and promised never to call anyone a jerk ever again.
This word was what had caused the war in the first place.