Poke And Hope Programming

A Painless Programming Method, Requiring Only 3 IQ Points

by Jason Williams (jasonw@tdv.com)
written 10 May 1993

This article is classified "Fictional"


Poke and Hope programming is a mainstay of the computer programming
industry.  It has been used since the early days of punched card program
storage, evolving from the more primitive technique of that decade known as
"Punch and Hope."

The principle tenet of Poke and Hope is rather simple -- if your program
does not work, you must poke a random number into the binary or change
a few constants by random amounts, and then re-execute the program to see
if this has a helpful effect.

This may sound a bit haphazard at first, but a master of this technique
can achieve astounding results by applying more of the Poke and less of
the Hope.  An inspired Poke is rumoured to have been responsible for the
unrepeatable creation of an artificial intelligence at a research
establishment on the moon of Swaybar IV (though informed sources now suggest
that is a load of bollocks, and that it was actually a secret military base,
not a research establishment).

A related advance in computer programming techniques is a program-writing
program currently being executed and trialed by the Instituziontechnikal
Das Intellectutinkerplonker Oberhausfrau Turberspitsenbergen.  This program
generates a sequence of random instructions and then transfers control to
each instruction in turn to see if they do anything useful.

The real trick apparently lies in teaching the program to recognize
something useful when it sees it.  Initial results, although a little slow
to arrive, show promise, including an astoundingly user friendly (and soon
to be commercially released) product codenamed "EDLIN.EXE."

See also:
  • Binary
  • Compression Sort Transform

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