This article is classified "Fictional"
A lesser known fact of the unknown universe is the existence of organic
computers. Until fairly recently, most people were under the impression
that computers were made, not evolved; however this myth was later
computed to be utterly false to the sixth heximal place.
On an obscure little planet called Gerdine in the Habsobin star system,
hidden behind the dark Magellan Clouds, there lives a race of creatures
uncommonly known as Computerats. These creatures were first discovered
by a psychopath serial killer by the name of Sebriga on the run from
Galactic Police about sixty years ago (relative to the time frame of
the Galactic Center).
The first thing that struck the killer when she saw one of the
creatures was a small piece of rock which landed painfully on her
forehead, thrown by the creature's companion which was distressed at the
sight of its mate being sawed in half. The killer tried to communicate
with the computerat but it failed to understand her peaceful message of
waving her hacksaw in the air. Instead, the computerat screamed back,
"Nyot diat diat nyot diat diat nyot diat nyot!"
Sebriga then realized that these creatures communicate in binary fashion.
She translated the words as "Nyot" is "1" and "Diat" is "0" [ Ed. note:
it could be the other way around ]. Further observations revealed the
following amazing facts.
First, the creatures are about the size of pigs, but look rather like rats.
The computerats have eight limbs and live on datapacks (another lifeform
on the planet). Most of the time the computerats are on GOTOs going from
one subroutine to another for no apparent reason, and sometimes suffer
CRASHs with other computerats. If this should ever happen, the two
computerats would starve to death as follows:
REPEAT
CRASHing
UNTIL the other dies;
But the most interesting aspect of computerats are their sex lives,
which, incidently, pleased Sebriga greatly.
When a computerats enters its reproduction period, its clockrate doubles
from 12 Megalifecycle to 24 Megalifecycle. This is observed by the fact
that the computerats move and think twice as fast as normal. The
computerat would find a mate (the computerats are asexual) who is also in
"heat." It's easy to detect a computerat in heat; its CPU (Central
reProduction Unit) would be so hot that some fear they might melt by its
extreme heat. The reproduction itself is by BINARY fusion, where the binary
instructions from both computerats merge to produce a new set of
instructions for the newborn computerat. The greatest danger during this
period is VDU (Virus Downloading Unnotice) or, as some call it, Venereal
Disease Unicode. This has the effect of both computerats terminating the
processes, aborting the PROGRAM altogether.
Another aspect of the computerats is that they can solve extremely
complex logical problems in microseconds while being stumped for days by
a simple non-logical problem. Recently there was an illegal trade
involving computerats as replacement parts for mainframe computers; to
this day, the Galactic Police are still trying to capture the mastermind
behind this trade -- a person by the name of Sebriga.