Milliways Principle

This Is Totally Impossible, And Yet It Works

by Mark A Young (marky@caen.engin.umich.edu)
written 16 Aug 1992

This article is classified "Fictional"


The Milliways principle is one of the most ingenious inventions of the
banking industry, second only to compounding interest, free toasters with
a new account, and those little windows that close when someone wanting
money approaches (this latter invention has totally revolutionized life
on Al-Deneb VI, where it is considered extremely rude to refuse to lend a
friend a few Altairian dollars -- even if the ungrateful bastard has
already touched you fifty times in the past week for more than your annual
income and has no job and no prospect of getting a job because no employer
will see him because they're afraid he'll ask for a seven-year advance in
his salary even tho' he hasn't been hired yet and they'll be forced to give
it to him because it would be rude not to -- on Al-Deneb VI they carry these
windows around in front of them wherever they go -- it saves them a lot of
money -- even taking into account the royalties they pay to the banks).

The Milliways principle is named for Milliways restaurant.  In order to pay
the outrageous rates that eatery charges, the patrons deposit one penny in
a bank in their own time period.  The tab is paid from the interest built up
over the trillions of years that penny sits in the bank.  When Milliways
comes to collect, the bank charges a service fee amounting to several
percent of the charge -- usually just enough to empty out the account.  Both
the bank and the restaurant then use TFT (Temporal Funds Transfer) to take
their profit back to some time when there were still things to buy with
their fabulous wealth.

(OK, so when you count them up, the Milliways principle is the fifth most
ingenious idea that the banking industry has come up with.  I never claimed
to be very good at this counting stuff.  On my accountant's advice I leave
that to her.)

See also:
  • Galactic Postal Service

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