This article is classified "Fictional"
It is important for all little beings to know their exact address. If you
were carried off by a wandering Snorshil's Beast, you would want to be able
to get back home (unless you happened to BE a wandering Snorshil's Beast, in
which case home would be the last place you would want to go, with Snorshil's
Planet having been overrun by Knights in Shining Armor who have taken up The
Quest of the Snorshil's Beast. These Knights have vowed to go to Snorshil's
Planet and not to leave until they have captured a Beast. Unfortunately for
them, their presence in such numbers has managed to drive every Beast from
the planet. Trapped by their vows, they now mostly sit around polishing
their armor and bemoaning the lack of damsels in distress, or even damsels
of any sort, since all people not required to be on Snorshil's Planet have
been ordered off to protect their eyes from the reflections off several
thousand over-polished suits of armor.)
In any case, whether carried off by wandering Beasts or simply marooned by a
malfunctioning teleport, you should know your correct address in -- and this
is the important part -- in the official Galactic Postal Service Format.
It's no use knowing your address in any other format, since the GPS will not
deliver a package unless it is correctly addressed. And, of course, the most
efficient way for young beings to get home is to mail themselves.
The official GPS address format is really not all that hard to remember: the
system name and planet number go first, followed by the planet's name in
parentheses, then the name of the galactic arm, the house number, street,
city, political division and country.
For example:
George Bush,
Sol III (Earth),
Orion Arm,
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,
Washington, DC, USA
(This address is actually useless, since the GPS doesn't deliver to Sol III
since that planet was demolished to make way for a hyperspatial express
route. The planet has since been rebuilt, but when the GPS was informed of
this, their official response was: "Who cares? No one important lives there
anyway.")
If you happen to live on a planet that has no street numbers, then just leave
it off:
Sir Beddelly Begreaves of the Brilliant Bever,
Menactae IV (Snorshil's Planet),
Sagittarius-Carina Arm,
Road of the Glistening Gauntlets,
Bilton's Manor, County Miedds, Costagol
***WEAR DARK GLASSES***
(This address also shows the correct way to present special instructions.)
Any other variations are not allowed, according to GPS official policy. If
any other piece of information does not apply, it should be replaced by the
word "None." Thus:
Paul Clegg,
None (None),
None,
None,
None, None, None
***SHOOT SELF AFTER DELIVERY***
If the young being keeps its head and remembers its address in the proper
format, there is no reason it shouldn't get back home within a few standard
days. If not, well, the Snorshil's Beast is actually a pretty good
travelling companion -- and they do have the galaxy's best collections of
cool sunglasses.