This article is classified "Fictional"
Saving money is really important for a modern hitchhiker. In the past, rovers (the equivalent of modern hitchhikers) were often given food and lodgings in large, wealthy farmhouses for free; and if they were lucky, they might even get a chance to sneak into the daughter's bedroom. Nowadays, you have to pay for everything. It is generally known, even among the economists (who usually don't know more about anything at all than a shrimp somewhere in the Atlantic ocean knows about Italian pizza), that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Simply staying alive is so expensive that only few can actually afford it. Trying to find a cheap place to spend the night is becoming more and more difficult, especially in the larger cities, where you will most probably have to rent an expensive room. And if you want to sneak into somebody's bedroom, that's going to cost you a fortune. Trying to save every penny you can is therefore vitally important. Since it is often said that saving money is very hard, almost impossible, here are a few tips to help a hitchhiker realize that it is not. Saving is actually just about the easiest thing imaginable. First thing to do in order to save money is to start smoking at least three or four packets of cigarettes a day. If that doesn't seem to be enough, you can always start drinking as well; but you must remember to drink only the best whiskeys and wines available. And if you want even bigger savings, gambling is the next step. It may not be obvious to the reader how all these things can help to save money. But imagine how much you will save when you stop doing them. Quitting smoking and drinking alone means remarkable savings. Not to mention how much more money not gambling any more will leave you with. If you happen to be living in a country where everything is so expensive that you can hardly afford to have your hair cut, you have several easy ways of saving money. Take Finland for example; in Finland, everything is taxed beyond all sense of proportion, especially alcoholic drinks. If you go to an average pub, disco or restaurant in Finland and want to buy of pint of lager (it isn't even a pint, but a lousy half liter) it will cost you 25 FIM. At the current rate of exchange, it is a bit over three pounds sterling or some six US dollars. When you leave this country and travel to Britain, for example, you can get two, almost three pints for the price of one in Finland. Therefore, every pint you drink means a lot of saved money. The more you drink, the more you save; makes sense, doesn't it? To save even more (and I'm talking about Big Money here), you should choose a car. For example, a large brand new Mercedes with as much additional everything as possible, electric this, heated that, etc. You can choose any car you like; the only thing that matters is that it should cost at least 200,000 local currency units, or a couple of hundred millions more if you live in Italy. You should dream of this car passionately; spend at least five hours daily staring at the beauty through the shop window and drooling against the glass, until the shop keeper sends you a bill for having to clean the window every day. Then, one day you should decide to buy the thing. Put on your best clothes and walk into the shop wearing a grim determined face of a man who is going to buy the car-in-the-window. The trick of saving here is to change your mind a second before you sign anything, before you actually buy it, and to walk away from the shop. And there you are, a man who has just saved 200,000. For bigger savings still, you can decide not to buy yourself a private jet airplane, or an oil tanker. And just imagine how much money you have saved for not buying Australia.