This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Someone said an army marches on its stomach. General Pinta Beer disagrees: "An army marches on its trainers." In fact sometimes if you are short of cash to pay the wages then Air Nike will go a long way to pacifying your troops. This field researcher wears one brand of Trainer: Hitec. This is partly because they are British but mostly because they stop my big toe from poking through a hole made in just two months. Some people call trainers sneakers, but that is not politically correct since the word "sneakers" has negative connotations for which you could be sued in several major law courts. Trainers have nothing to do with teachers, taking aim, railway carriages, dresses, or showers of "T." You may have noticed that trainers no longer smell as bad as they do. Thanks to the men in white coats your mum no longer threatens to put your trainers in the washing machine. If you live in college halls you might put your trainers on the window sill over night to air. (This is next to your milk which has to stay cool - and if you put it in the communal fridge then someone always nicks it. Of course if you got this confused and put your trainers in the fridge to keep them cool then your life expectancy drops rapidly.)