Sun, The

The Solar System Ultra-Party

by Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl)
written 17 Jul 1994

This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"


The Sun is the star in the centre of our solar system.  It is of spectral
type G2V and has several bodies orbiting it.  Those are, in order: Mercury,
Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, and Humphrey.
There are also a lot of asteroids and comets cruising the solar system.
The largest numbers can be found in the asteroid belt between Mars and
Jupiter, and in the Oort cloud, even further away than Humphrey (almost
halfway to the nearest star!).

To visit the sun you have to be absolutely mega-cool 'cause there are some
*hot* parties going on there.  So far no Earthling has gone to, or put more
accurately, arrived at the party, sadly indicating we have a long way to
go before we are the coolest froods in the solar system .  Word goes around
that once you're there, it's such an ultra-party that it's hard to leave.
All the ancient civilizations who used to live all over the solar system
(for example the ancient Earthlings, the ancient Asteroid Beltians, the
ancient Martians, the ancient Humphreyians, and the ancient Titans) are at
the very moment still partying on, much to their amusement.

Occasionally the Sun gives us Earth weenies the finger.  She doesn't,
however, offend us with that.  In fact we are quite amused because it gives
us the most wonderful light shows, ranging from the polar caps to smaller
latitudes.

Actually, very few Earthlings know about the solar system ultra-party.
Observations of the Sun haven't so far revealed any proof of the party
being there, or we just don't recognize the signs.  The few people on Earth
who do know about it have stuck their heads together and convinced the
industry to send a space probe to the solar caps.  The theory now goes that
most of the party goes on at those spots, because all beings are too drunk
to ride on the equator.  Evidence of this is found on some spots on the
surface.  Science calls them "sun spots" but they are actually huge "puke
spots."  The scientific probe Ulysses has at this moment, after first
using Jupiter as a sling, reached the south pole of the Sun and indeed
encountered a rise in the amount of solar confetti.  Insiders are said to
have celebrated it with a small party (with respect to that on the Sun),
and immediately started a lobby for a manned space mission to the solar
poles.  I will continue to inform you on this.

See also:
  • Earth
  • Mercury, Sol 1
  • Venus, Sol 2
  • Jupiter, Sol 5
  • Humphrey, Sol 10
  • Westerbork Array, Westerbork, Drenthe, Netherlands, Earth
  • Europa

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