Venus, Sol 2

Mostly Sauna

by Roel van der Meulen (vdmeulen@strw.leidenuniv.nl)
written 17 Jul 1994

This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"


Venus is the second planet from the Sun.  It is odd because it has a day
of 243 Earth days, longer than their year (225 Earth days).

Venus is the sauna of our solar system.  After the skating on Mercury you
might want to do some relaxing by coming to Venus a bit, sweat everything
out, and then jump into the icy lakes of Europa, Jupiter to chill out.
Provided, of course, you know how to jump that far.

A finnish sauna is nothing compared to Venus.  The average temperature of
the Venus-sauna is 470 degrees celsius!  Try that for a change!  One tiny
drawback of venusauna is the somewhat smelly atmosphere made mostly of
carbon dioxide, some sulphur dioxide, indicating still active volcanoes, and
clouds of sulfuric acid which sting the hell out of you, and that there's
so much of this (with a pressure of 90 atmosphere) that you can walk over
Venus' whole surface and believe you're stuck in a tub.  I am, however,
convinced that, if well dosed, this can be a very healthy and skin-rinsing
experience.

Venus has not always been like this.  Once it was Heaven on Earth (ehm, on
Venus of course) with <fill in your own description of the most romantic
place you can think of with lots of meadows, bushes, trees, lakes, and
country houses>.  After the Venusians invented the sauna they wanted to
stay in them longer and longer.  This went well up until the point they
installed a planet-wide sauna but forgot it couldn't be ventilated, and so
they demolished all the lovely stuff we would all like to have very much,
thank you.  So they left.

The Venusians are now all in the Sun, burnt to a crisp because they were so
arrogant that they thought they were cool enough to join the Solar System
Ultra-Party.  How cool can you be if you f***-up a planetwide sauna system!

Finns, be warned!!

See also:
  • Earth
  • Finland, Earth
  • Sun, The
  • Mercury, Sol 1
  • Jupiter, Sol 5
  • Earth
  • Westerbork Array, Westerbork, Drenthe, Netherlands, Earth

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