This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
If you need money for hitchhiking and, despite the article on How to Get Tips, you decide to imitate a waiter then you had better read this first. Being a waiter is very dangerous for your health. There are lots of things that can happen to you which you rather wouldn't want to happen. Those things can be disastrous to your physical and mental health. Things which are Damaging to your Physical Health ------------------------------------------------- Things that could happen which are damaging to your physical health are too numerous to mention. So I will only give a few of them. There are two groups of injuries: minor injuries and deadly injuries. Minor Injuries -------------- Minor injuries occur every time you imitate a waiter. First of all you get blisters on your feet. You are not used to standing and walking for several hours, so your feet protest and get blisters. Those blisters can become very large and painful if you ignore them. Other blisters are mainly due to fire and hot liquids like hot soup. If you are not used to serving hot soup, it is guaranteed you will burn your hands. Or you may burn your fingers while lighting a candle. If you are lucky that's the only thing you burn. It is possible something goes wrong and you will not only light the candle but also yourself, causing serious injuries and even death. Or you will light the restaurant causing it to burn down completely. If you survive this fire you will be sued by the owner for setting his restaurant to fire. Burning can also occur when you walk down the stairs and trip. In a desperate attempt to not fall you grab the banisters. With great speed your hands slip along the banisters, burning your hands. But this can also happen when you are not waitering, but instead sitting at home. Burning your mouth and fingers can occur when you secretly steal a hot deep-fried snack like a "bitterbal." (No translation is available, but it would be something like a very small rissole.) Other minor injuries are mainly due to the fact you need a glasses or better ones. When cutting some vegetables you can amputate some parts of your fingers or amputate your finger as a whole. Then you know that playing with knives is a dangerous business. You can also drop the knife and accidentally amputate not a finger but a toe. Other parts that can be hurt are the eyes, the nose, the mouth, and your ears (thus the whole face). So be careful when handling a knife. Be also careful where you put down your feet. It's possible they don't survive the day. A customer can put his feet right on top of your feet. Usually this is not a big deal unless that person weights about 300 pounds and wears high-heels. When he (or she of course) has removed his feet you must walk to the kitchen, take off your shoes and socks, and count all of your toes. If you have still ten of them you are lucky. If you miss a toe you must run back to the place where you lost it. Search for your toe. When you find it run to the hospital and hope they can put in on again. The medical bill should be sent to the person who amputated your toe. But not only people can amputate your toes. Also heavy things like a billiard-table. Those things usually have wheels, and of course when it must be moved it will roll over your toes, flattening them. You're left looking like a clown with those great big flat feet. The last minor injury is also due to other persons. When playing as a waiter you might encounter stupid people. They will not pay their bill so a quarrel may occur. Sometimes you are up fighting each other and finally both of you must go to a hospital to be treated for your injuries. And that's all because that asshole would not pay for his beer. Deadly Injuries --------------- Deadly injuries have, do, and will occur. If you thought being a waiter was a relatively safe job you are wrong. Lots of deadly accidents occur in the catering industry. When you open a bottle of soda the screw-cap which closes the bottle can fly very fast trough the air because someone had shaken the bottle. If you are unlucky it will go trough your eye and penetrating your brain, leaving you for dead on the ground. Or sometimes when it's hot the bottle warms up and all the gasses in the bottle expand. When you have bad luck the bottle contains a weak spot in the glass and in will explode in your face when you pick it up. Needless to say you probable will not survive this incident. You can also be killed by screwing in a bulb. Because the restaurants are often old buildings the electric wires are in very bad shape. When screwing in a bulb you can short-circuit the wires and the bulb will explode right in your face. Or you will be electrocuted. More work for the undertakers. But not only you yourself can kill you; also others can do it for you. In the already mentioned fight about the beer, you can easily be hurt very badly and even be killed. Or the mob is blackmailing your boss but he refuses to pay. They may force him to pay by killing one of his waiters as an example, and of course it will be you. Things which are Damaging to your Mental Health ----------------------------------------------- Not only is imitating a waiter damaging to your physical health but also to your mental health. Serving people means always smiling, being nice, and letting your self be cursed by the costumers. But this is not the worst that can happen. If by accident you drop something on somebody and injure him you are likely to be sued. Lots of lawsuits will be waiting for you. You will be courtroom-bound in and out every day and if you lose only one of them you are broke for the rest of your life because you have to pay lots of money. This will not be good for your mental health. It can even become dangerous to your physical health when you decide to kill yourself. The only thing you can do about it is to insure yourself. But this cost you much more than you earn by being a waiter. You're better off resigning and search for another job. A job in which you don't meet anybody who will sue you and in which you can not be hurt. A job like writing articles for the Galactic Guide.