Bordesium

Bordesium Is One Of The Slowest Measurements Of Time

by Dave Shockey Jr. (dashocke@magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu)
written 21 Apr 1994

This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"


Bordesium is the favorite time scale for a large, but very slow, part
of the Universe.  Its origins are from a small blue-green planet which is
the third planet from its sun.  Of course its not Earth; the existence of
Bordesium has only recently reached Earth.  Its like the joke goes:  "Who
are the only creatures that believe they are alone in the universe?  The
Sniggle-Eaters."  (You could insert Earthlings into the punch-line and it
would be almost as funny.)

For comparison, 1 Bordesium is equal to about 32,452.69422345 Earth years.
Bordesium originated on the planet Hall, the third planet from their sun,
Study (commonly known as Study Hall.)  They are led by their King, the
great Monitor of Study Hall and they worship their god, Dull.  They pray
to Dull using a type of prayer called a Stare.  They can worship Dull with
the Stare at any time and usually do.  They do this to honor the great
Blank Stare that Dull is always doing.

The Hallions hold an extravagant festival, The Festival of the Blank
Stare every 100 Bordesiums.  This is supposedly the time when Dull will
shift his attention to something else.  It is a great time on the planet
and fills everyone with great excitement -- almost enough excitement to
actually attend the festival.  I could go on about the festival for
Bordesiums, but it's an event you really have to attend to get the full
effect.

A small sect of people on Earth have started using the Bordesium for a
section of time.  This sect of people are commonly known as "couch
potatoes."  They are using the Bordesium because they say it helps them
get through the summer re-run period.

Although using this scale of time might not work for everyone, I've found
that it can be very useful when at work.  For example, the other day I
only had to work 0.00002 bordesiums.  Hardly any time at all to Dull.

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