This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Illness of any kind has always been expensive, at least if you want to
remain among the living. And that's mostly what we want, basically because
there is nothing else to look forward to, except maybe "eternal rest,"
which can be a pretty neat idea if you suffer from a continuous overdose of
wedlock and/or parents-in-law.
One method of getting cured is homeopathy. At the regular homeopathic-
method physicians you pay quite a lot for say two small grains of mucus or
three drops of some obscure liquid. Homeopathy is rather expensive.
Luckily the theoretical research of Professor Placebo has found a way to
drastically cut the costs of this healing method down to an approximate
amount of zero dollars, thus making homeopathy the cheapest healing method
currently existing. And thus perfectly fit for hitchhikers.
Homeopathy is the treatment based on the principle that diseases must be
cured by small amounts of medicine which in larger amounts would cause the
same symptoms as the disease itself. Different degrees of thinning have
different results, quantitatively as well as qualitatively. The thinning
has to be done with the utmost care and a lot of stirring. Up until now
thinning has been used to a degree of D30 (ten to the thirtieth times).
Homeopathy has in recent years become more and more popular due to the
large amount of personal attention the doctor gives to the complaints of
his patients [1].
Among homeopaths there is a theory that a medicine remains effective even
if there has been so much thinning that it is hardly possible for a single
molecule of the original medicine to be in the solution. This is because
water is supposed to have a memory for what has been in it. It is this
theory that is at the basis of Professor Placebo's theoretical research.
Professor Placebo has, through the argument that every medicine made by man
and every medicine not yet discovered has at one time or other been in
contact with water, combined with the homeopathic theory of infinitely
thinning, come to the theory that every drop of water on Earth is, in fact,
a medicine.
To be certain that at least every homeopathic medicine is dissolved into
the great water reservoir of the Earth, Professor Placebo has taken all his
specimens and has thrown them down the drain. The natural whirling of
water in drains and the process of diffusion will supply the necessary
mixing process.
The personal attention of course is lacking, so you have to provide it
yourself or get a fellow hitchhiker to help you. You can then tell your
life's story and how you feel. You or your fellow hitchhiker should nod
yes and no, and after you've finished your story pitifully say "Shush,
shush" and "Here, have a glass of water."
Tip: If you're out of tea, try making some homeopathic tea. There's still
enough tea clinging to the teapot to make, homeopathically speaking, quite
a heavy dose.
Paul Farrar (farrar@128.160.21.215) wrote:
I once tried to read a book on homeopathy, but I couldn't make much of it.
It was about 3 cm thick and all the pages were blank, except that there was
a letter "e" on a page about 1/3 of the way through.
NOTE: According to the mentioned theory, Earth's water should also contain
the memory of every pint of urine that as centuries passed has been
excreted by man. Man, of course includes Jesus, Son of God. We see
here that this other healing method from way back of drinking piss
wasn't so crazy after all!!
[1] Old woman with little yelping dogs comes in; "Oh doktor, I have a
terrible headache and my whole right side feels a bit numb and I think
I have hemorrhoids!" "Please take a seat Mrs. Twaddle and let's start
at the beginning. Do you have any recollections of your earliest
childhood?"....