This article is classified "Partly real, partly fictional"
Perhaps the biggest problem with Democracy is that people tend to get exactly the government that they deserve. For example, in many modern-day democracies, the people claim that they want their government to operate under a balanced budget, when in fact this is the farthest thing from the truth. What the people really want, as they repeatedly demonstrate from their voting, is decreased taxes and increased government spending -- particularly when it comes to government projects which directly benefit themselves. Professional politicians, if by nothing else than by a simple Darwinian processes, are very good at perceiving such things, and give the people exactly want: huge government deficits. For example, in every present and past democracy, the people always claim that they want politicians who will not accept bribes, when in fact this is the farthest thing from the truth. What the people really want, as they repeatedly demonstrate from the voting, is politicians who will spending huge amounts of money on multi-media campaigns to win votes, who will spend massive amounts of time coming to their towns to speak to the local rotary club or school (for a fee), and who will spend massive amounts of time influencing legislation to win government contracts for local businesses. There are, of course, many other problems with democracy. THE MEDIA: In all known democracies, the media flourishes. POLLS: One way in which the media attempts to tell people what to think is by attempting to tell them what they are thinking. If you read the previous sentence again, you will understand it. Fortunately, the results of these polls invariably conflict with each other and with reality, so that prolonged exposure builds up immunities. POLLSTERS: They work for the media. LITIGATION: People who live in a democracy, since they believe they have some influence over the law, tend to extrapolate this into the belief that the law means whatever they want it to mean. (The media probably plays a role in this, though we are not exactly sure how.) Therefore, they will sue the owner of a dog who left a bone on a sidewalk upon which they stubbed their toe, causing them to spill their coffee on themselves, for the price of a new bathrobe plus $1,000,000 for mental stress. LAWYERS: They come with litigation. Experiments show that when the population of lawyers reaches certain critical densities, they force society to undergo a phase transition which causes the population of lawyers to grow even faster. Science has not yet found a solution to this problem. FREE SPEECH: In a democracy, you will incessantly be subjected to hearing the ideas, speculation, and bizarre prognostications of everyone around you. The media multiplies this problem a thousandfold. TRIAL BY JURY: When one is accused by the state of a crime, the second scariest thought you can have is that you will be tried by a jury of your peers. The only thing scarier than this is to be tried WITHOUT a jury of your peers. WEAPONRY: The only thing scarier than a democratically elected government which allows its citizens to own sophisticated weaponry is a democratically elected government which does NOT allow its citizens to own sophisticated weaponry. In a non-democratic society, the ordering of these two concepts is reversed. ECONOMICS: Because the public thinks it can affect the government's economic policies, it demands economic information. The media gives it to them. This results in the publishing of page after page of little numbers and letters, graphs of important economic indicators such as the widths of ties and lengths of skirts, degrees in Business Administration, and articles on scandals at Deposit Insurance Corporations entitled "Tricky DICs." No solution to any of these problems has yet been found. Many have been tried and suggested: oligarchy, theocracy, dictatorship, and school boards. Most of these begin with some members of the population killing others to show the flaws of the old political structure; they then continue killing others to show that society's structures are independent of individuals. Such governments usually end with some members of the population killing others to demonstrate their dissatisfaction with the executive branch of government, and indeed also the legislative, corporate, and street- cleaning branches. This does not make for a solution unless, of course, the individuals killed are all in the legal profession.