This article is classified "Real"
Bethel, NY, also known as the Most Boring Town In All Of Creation by its residents, is a small town in upstate New York (actually, how did it get to be called Upstate when it's more south than north. I mean, Buffalo, that's Upstate. But Bethel?!?). There are no big stores in Bethel, and there are no museums, restaurants, or Comic Book Stores. (Of course, it also has no used car salesman, which is probably the only reason people move there.) During most of the year, Bethel residents sleep, get drunk, go to work, and go to sleep again. But during the month of August, a transformation occurs, and the sleepy little town of Bethel becomes a little less sleepy. It is during August that the "Great Migration of the Aging Hippies" occurs. These Aging Hippies can be identified by their business suits (always of finest quality) and their cellular phones. Their children are all called Sunshine, Moonbeam, or Windy. They all travel in large mechanical beasts called BMW's and Mercedes. The Aging Hippies descend upon a small field on a back road that no one in Bethel ever travels. On this field, the Hippies celebrate the anniversary of the Woodstock Festival, which was supposed to be about peace and love and the arts, but was really about a bunch of naked people getting drunk and throwing mud at each other. Every year, the local authorities say nothing will happen at this field, and every year the Great Migration occurs and loud music erupts from the field, and Aging Hippies spend huge amounts of money on T-Shirts and Sodas which are provided by people from New York City. Then, after the anniversary is over, the Aging Hippies and their BMW's leave Bethel, and everyone yells at the local authorities because they didn't get involved and so all the money went to the T-Shirt people from New York City, and not a dime went to the town. And then everyone gets drunk, goes to work, and goes to sleep.