This article is classified "Real"
George Jakubaas was born in the year 1968 in Zurich, Switzerland, Earth, as the second son of his mother and his father, who are pretty OK and don't like fennel. In the first year, nothing happened. At the end of his second year on earth, he became two years old. Nobody knows what happened on his first birthday; he asserts that he doesn't remember any details but that it had something to do with potato salad and a bottle of ink. Time passed and he attended school, pretended to learn and become more and more educated as his teachers went into early retirement. He found out a very important thing when he was 9 years old: he liked music. And he liked LOUD music. So he emptied the kitchen of all pots and pans available to build himself a drum kit. Many children do that. But this one was to last. He convinced his parents, by forcing them to hunger due to lack of pots and pans to cook in and continuous torture by deafening noise, to buy him a blue-metallic, real, big, amazing, smashing drum kit. Since then, GJ knows that hitting plastic-foil covered pots with wooden sticks is the real thing! CRASH! BOOM! BANG! At the age of 13 he left for Germany to attend a boarding school where he spent eight foggy, hazy, and absolutely strange years and graduated almost without knowing it. There too: CRASH BOOM BANG and some concerts. In the eighth year of his daze he met a beautiful girl with red hair and he felt so much for her that two years later he married her. After checking out the University in Wurzburg, Germany, and deciding that computer science is not the real thing for him to learn, he started a career at the Zurcher Kantonalbank in Zurich as a programmer. He worked long, he worked hard, and after two years, he found himself as a programmer and system administrator of two extremely lovely RS/6000 Unix machines which he still loves very much and refers to as "his babies." Concerning babies, in 1992 his daughter, Anita Michelle, was born in Zurich and she will outrun her father in beauty and smartness for sure! An extremely difficult task! In 1994, GJ found out that pulling back a wooden stick hooked onto a wire which is attached on both ends to an even thicker wooden stick, and releasing the thinner wooden stick in a sudden motion, is as interesting as drumming. So that's what he does now every week. Other people call it archery. Beside that, he's got three pets: two cats and his computer. Sometimes he likes his computer more than his cats because the computer does what GJ wants (well, at least most of the time), doesn't chew on his beloved palm trees, doesn't steal any food from the table, doesn't scratch the wallpaper to confetti, and doesn't lose hair which has the disgusting habit of hovering in the air and sticking to everything that comes by, especially on dark clothes. This is GJ's life. There's more, but it's either boring, or private. Or both. GJ hopes that all this information about himself helps to understand his desperate efforts to write. He calls the results of these efforts "articles." "George, do you have anything else to add?" "If you would just be kind enough to help me out of this jacket so I could use my hands and..." "Thank you George! Here, have a GAG!"