This article is classified "Real"
Most people who know about the existence of ice cream consider it quite harmless, or at worst somewhat fattening. It is not harmless. Some time ago, a friend of mine was making a very tasty ice cream, coffee, and cocoa mixture known as Fonzi's Special Ice Cream. After he mixed the ingredients in their secret proportions I was asked to stir the mixture with a wooden spoon. I did as instructed, but soon found that the mixture's viscosity was too high for ordinary stirring, so I began to use more and more violence in mixing the stuff. After a while Fonzi returned and thought the ice cream homogenous enough for eating. However, I just couldn't stop stabbing and beating that poor ice cream with my spoon. An ex-security guard (two meters tall) who was present at the moment failed in disarming me. I held on to my spoon and kept on massacring the dessert. Finally I was forced to drop the spoon by another Field Researcher who "happened" to be at the party. Several of the guests later complained about finding wooden splinters from the spoon in their ice cream. However, I needed an excuse for my frantic behaviour, so I claimed that I thought Fonzi had hidden one of his "Macintrashes" under the ice cream. Since that moment, the combination of ice cream, wooden spoons, and Macintoshes is considered deadly by people who know me. Even just mentioning the word "ice cream" can be enough to make me try to kill anything or anyone in my vicinity. I checked the preparation of that ice cream, and I can guarantee that it contained nothing hallucinogenic nor any other controlled substances. However, I forgot to check the spoon.