This article is classified "Real"
Many people debate whether HOAB is really an alien, or if he's been
switched as a child. There also seems to be some uncertainty where he
really comes from. Some say that his origin would be an unknown planet
in this solar system, while others imply that if it were so, he would be
more like us, so therefore he must be from another system or even galaxy...
Whichever is correct, he has made very good in his attempts to conform to
this society. It isn't perfect, but hey! Are you at home - really at
home - here? Whatever your answer, it could be taken as a proof that you
are an alien.
Well, to continue... The charm of HOAB's small lapses in adjusting has
made him a cult figure in the Swedish part of FidoNet, a following not
unlike that which Mr. Spock himself - pointy ears and all - would have
generated. (As a small note here, it is a fact that HOAB carries a small
amulet of the aforementioned Mr. Spock.)
Some of his reputation comes from singular occurrences, i.e. The Ice Cream
Murder, while others are part of longer campaigns, while some are just
Those Things That Just Happen (an article that should come soon...).
To clarify, we should perhaps look upon the first Thing. To HOAB, ice
cream is an important source of nourishment, maybe The Source, but unlike
many of us other ice cream fanatics, he has the view that ice cream is a
living thing and must first be killed. (Whether this is a sign of
compassion, or an act in self defence, has not been possible to ascertain.)
One of the methods which seems suited to use in attending to the ice creams
demise is bludgeoning it to death and beyond recognition, with wooden tools,
which incidentally also are beyond recognition afterwards. (There may be a
ritualistic element here, but it hasn't been possible to ascertain mainly
because any mention of ice cream sends HOAB into a killing frenzy.) The
only possible way of stopping the mayhem is to manacle him.
In the second category we can take a look at the Small Red Dots which
congregate around HOAB with irregular periodicity. There seems to be an
element of attraction incorporated in HOAB for these unknown entities,
which, BTW, are rather harmless, but can be annoying and frustrating for
small felines, hedgehogs, and the likes. Also, the insistence on
silver-coloured duct tape as a method of packaging, delivering, and/or
marking objects.
A periodically returning phenomenon is the OOBE that sometimes can be
observed in HOAB. What this means, nobody knows, but there has been
commented that it could be a means of communicating, perhaps with some
other aliens, or just checking to make sure that there are no other aliens
around.
Those Things That Just Happen are not easily explained but can perhaps
be illustrated by a small sample of quotes from the forthcoming book
titled HOABisms:
Laboratory assistant sees a HP-48: "A calculator for people who
count backwards."
Even though I know myself too well to fall for it, I often try
to fool myself.
"I should have understood that you have a bottle opener in that
tool box that you carry..." Toolbox? Bah. A small Victorinox
and a few screwdrivers.
In regard of last years non existent attendance, I'm thinking of
not having a birthday this year. It would be stupid to "lay the
table for Bernt."
I get significantly better reception of Radio City if I connect
the antenna to a can of Jolt.
I just wondered why my new pajamas felt so uncomfortable. I
later found a plastic paper clip in the neck... :-)
I also received a thick envelope, with the usual wrong address,
containing a "mineral oil product with additives. Contains
polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons," i.e., a squeeze tube gun
grease 101. This by the reason that I mentioned to the
originator that gun grease 101 smells good.... (I'll shoot
anyone who says "Tackleberry!" :-) )
Celsius' thermometer froze at 100=F8 north of Lycksele, as he
had drunk the methanol.
I have now seen a person flattened to a thin sheet by a door.
It was not a cartoon.
"Fahrenheit. Strictly for scientists."
HOAB is also one of the Field Researchers for Project Galactic Guide.