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Iceland is a small country in the northern parts of the planet Earth
(Terra). It consists of one larger island and several really tiny
islands, placed in the Atlantic Ocean, somewhere between Norway and
Greenland.
Iceland is generally a pretty cool place. Not only is the temperature
low, it's also kind of froody.
History
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Iceland appeared from the sea for quite some time ago in a cascade of
flames and boiling water. This may sound a bit like a fairy tale, but
is true, since the whole country is actually a collection of volcanoes.
Then nothing happened for quite some time, until sometime around
1000-1200 Earth years ago (that's about 3.5 E10 seconds for a more
intergalactic reference) a Viking got lost on a sailing trip. He bumped
upon the shores of Iceland. Some time after this a hoard of Norse
Vikings settled on Iceland, probably as political or religious refugees.
Maybe they just didn't like Norway much. It's kind of hilly and the
mountains just seem to get in the way all the time. Iceland is much
flatter.
Iceland was a part of Norway for some time, then they were pretty
independent and then they were more or less occupied by Denmark for a
long time. Iceland got independent in the year of 1944 AD.
The Icelandic language is still very close to how the Vikings used to
talk, and the Icelanders are still Vikings deep inside. This can cause
problems, mostly because they feel a need to occupy England and tear
down French cathedrals. Nowadays they mostly find an outlet for this
by firing at anyone that tries to fish in their fishing areas.
Weather
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The weather is not warm and has a severe multi-personality disorder.
Q: What should you do if you don't like the weather on Iceland?
A: Wait five minutes. By then it has changed.
Nature
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There's lots of nature on Iceland. Most of it is pretty grey, dull and
windy and almost no trees. It's supposed to get better during the
summer, but the summer isn't very long. However, there are several
peculiarities in the Icelandic nature. Most of them are connected to the
volcanic activity that's going on there. With irregular intervals the
Icelandic volcanoes erupt. It's a spectacular sight, so if you happen to
be on the planet during an eruption, take your ship and go there. If you
disguise it as a glowing rock, nobody will notice.
Other things to take a look at is the geysers. The geysers are holes in
the ground, filled with water that is heated by the volcanic activity.
When this water reaches boiling temperature the geyser will erupt and
throw lots of boiling water high in the air. Pretty neat.
See also: Baths, below.
Q: What should you do if you get lost in the Icelandic forest?
A: Stand up.
Baths
-----
Dipping your body into nicely tempered pools of water is a very
relaxing and nice activity. In spite of the cold weather you can take
outdoor baths on Iceland all year. In the Icelandic capitol Reykjavik
there are several bathing institutions that have heated outdoor baths.
The water is heated by the volcanic activity. A dip into a "hot pot"
pool is a perfect way to start a day and to get rid of the hangover you
acquired from yesterday's partying.
There's also a place called The Blue Lagoon that provides the same
function. It's an all-natural lake of hot water with lots of minerals
in it, making the water light-blue. Taking a hot bath in the winter-
evening darkness, not seeing anything because of the steam rising from
the water and getting your head bombarded by rain, snow and hail is an
experience for every hitchhiker.
Partying
--------
Icelanders are reluctant to talk to somebody to whom they have not been
introduced. Find a foreigner or an alien living there to make friends
with. He should have contacts and can introduce you.
In spite of the small population on Iceland the night life is good. Fun
bars and great dance floors, including Europe's largest disco.
Preferred liquids are beer and Black Death. Black Death is one of
Earth's more distasteful alcoholic drinks. It tastes something like
airplane fuel, only slightly worse. If you survive a bottle of this
you're ready for a Terran Version Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster.
The girls are very good-looking. There also very nice to talk to and as
all northern girls, they're used to keeping their boys warm through the
long winter nights. Hot Stuff. As a male I can't say much about the
boys except that they are pretty fun to be with. Only problem is that
they never laugh, so you don't know if they are joking or not. To keep
up appearance you should never laugh out loud. Snicker if you have to,
but mainly just keep a nice cool smile on your lips, whatever happens.
Food
----
You can (as everywhere in the western world) always get a burger or a
pizza and some kind of non-alcoholic soft drink with bubbles to go with
the pizza or burger. The local foods are somewhat different. Dried
fish with butter is a common and dull thing to eat. Chew it very
carefully and eventually it will taste a bit like fish. Otherwise it
mostly tastes like paper. More adventurous hikers may want to try
sheep's head, ram's testicles and old shark. (It's the shark meat that's
old, not the shark itself.) Sheep's head is nice, but a bit chewy.
Old shark has a cheesy taste to it, and ram's testicles are down right
yuccy. However, they are supposed to increase your sexual drive, so what
the heck.
Names
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What you should know of Icelandic names is that almost no one ever uses
the last name. The last name is mostly just a reference to who you father
was. Therefore, Asgrimur Magnusson's father was called Magnus. Frosti's
sister, called Björk would then be called Björk Magnusdottir (and
you will then of course figure out that dottir means daughter).
So, it's a safe bet to use the first name when addressing someone on
Iceland. Even the Icelandic president is to be addressed by the first
name.
A true story:
An Icelandic sales manager stood at a stand on an American trade show.
When somebody looked interested in his products he of course stepped up
to them and presented himself:
- "Hi, my name is Frosti, from Iceland."
- "Yeah, sure, and I'm Mickey Mouse, Disneyland."
Music
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The two bigger musical exports of Iceland are the band Sugarcubes, and
Björk. Sugarcubes were a minor success but are not working together
at the moment, and Sugarcubes singer Björk has had a huge success
with her solo album.
Travel
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If you don't have your own means of over-seas transportation you can get
there by plane. Expensive, but quite fast. It will take a couple of
hours from the closer large airports. You can also go by boat. The
boat doesn't go very often, and takes several days, but it's much cheaper.
On Iceland you can go by car, or ride the very small Icelandic horses.
Even if you know how to ride, don't count on your success on these
buggers. They are small furry, angry, and you don't ride them in the
same way as normal horses. Be warned!