This article is classified "Real"
Of all the sports humans have invented, skiing is by far one of the
hoopiest. Imagine if you can, a sport where the sole objective is to get
to the bottom of a mountain at high speed while avoiding trees, rocks,
cliffs, avalanches, and multitudes of other skiers. However, should you
decide that you are an adventurous frood who would like to try this sport,
here are some things you should know.
Equipment
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Skis: Look like long boards.
Boots: Ski boots to put your feet in.
Poles: To keep you upright.
Bindings: To connect your skis to your boots.
Warm clothes: Snow is COLD!
Goggles: Protect your eyes.
Ski Lifts
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Ski lifts are what get you from the bottom of the mountain to the top.
You will need to purchase a lift ticket in order to use them.
Trams
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Trams go to the top of the mountain just like a ski lift, but make you
feel safer, since it feels more like riding an elevator to the top.
Bunny Hills
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Recommended first stop, the bunny hill is a small, gently sloping hill
where you can try out your new moves in relative safety. BEWARE: The
bunny hill is inhabited by hordes of half-normal-size skiers known as
children. These should be avoided at all costs.
Ski Patrol
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The Ski Patrol is your friend. These are the people who will carry you
down the mountain should you have an unfortunate encounter with a tree.
Ski Wax
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Ski wax is applied to the bottom of the ski in an attempt to gain yet more
speed on your descent to the bottom of the mountain.
Stopping
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A skill worth knowing. If you should be on the way down the mountain
without knowing how to stop, keep these two simple hints in mind. First,
other skiers are soft when you hit them. Second, trees are hard when you
hit them. If all else fails, hurl yourself at the ground.
Transportation
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You're a hitchhiker; figure it out.
The Lodge
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The lodge will likely be your first and last stop for a day of skiing.
Here you sit around the fireplace and lie about your skiing prowess. If
you are smart, you will stay in the lodge lying about your skiing prowess
all day, and not actually ski.
Moguls
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Moguls are small bumps in the mountain of your choice. Some skiers try
to hit them and do tricks as they bounce off. NOT RECOMMENDED. These
moguls will try every trick in the book to send you screaming to your
death at the bottom of the mountain.
Trees
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Every ski resort has trees. A good rule of thumb is to stay at least 50
feet away from trees and keep a close eye on them, lest they jump out in
front of you thus blocking your descent.